It's been a bad morning. The upside is that I've gotten some crying done. It probably sounds weird but I haven't don't nearly enough since he left the house. I just feel numb, like I'm trying to feel through a heavy layer of scar tissue. I hate still being in love with someone who did SO MANY things knowing full well that I would be hurt by his actions and honestly I don't give the slightest fucking damn that he's an addict anymore. He still made the decisions with full knowledge of the reprocussions. I love him and I hate him. I hate myself for not leaving him earlier. For trusting him over and over again. For not listening to warnings from people who knew him better. For being young and naive and thinking that love could be enough. I love being a mommy, but I hate being a single mother. I hate that the kids don't even have a grandparent that they can count on. I hate that I've lost my best friend, and the only other person who even comes close is understandably wrapped up in terrible health issues. I'm so tired and this toothache is making everything completely miserable to top it off.
Today can't end soon enough.
Cheese
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