Friday, March 25, 2011

Questions for today

There is something to be said for keeping your temper under control.  My problem is that I seem to have a wealth of things that are bound and determined to run their fingernails down the chalkboard of my brain. 

Why doesn't the 4 year old want to eat the food *I* make?
Why doesn't my grandmother realize that her senses are not what they used to be?
Why does the 2 yr old insist on constantly being underfoot? (literally)
Why do people take that inch you  were kind enough to give them and run for the horizon?
Why is it so hard to admit that even when someone isn't doing it the way you want it, it's still good. (maybe better)

Now I must escape the office with the leaky roof and reeking carpet.

Cheese!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Sneaky inspiration

The show has officially started.  I survived hell week - barely.  We had a great show for the preview performance, even if the audience could have been better.  And Last night's show was awesome!  Mostly because the audience was awesome.  I wish more people understood just how much of an effect the audience has on the show.  To have them laugh, applaude and just react to what you're doing. Letting you know that what you're trying to convey has been effective is a wonderful boost.

There is something amazing in hearing a swell in the applause when you go to take your bow at the end of the show when you know that there isn't one person in the audience who came to see you personally. 

I just discovered Operationbeautiful.com and am so excited about putting up my own note in the makeup room at the theater tonight.  :)  Being in a show with so many teenage girls reminds me of just how ridiculous the body-image of a teenager can be.  They are GORGEOUS! and yet every night as we are getting into costume you can hear them calling themselves fat and ugly.  I'm going to stick it up in one of the mirrors by the director's station where most of the cast ends up at some point.  I'm looking forward to seeing the reaction and think I'll probably put a new one up for each performance in a different spot everytime.  I don't really have the money to do gifts.  Maybe I can do some sort of little gift bag like one of the girls did for the opening.  But I've been more of a closing gift person anyway :)  Still I'm going to try to take a picture of each one and maybe write a post on it too.

Anyway
Cheese.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Love Stinks

It's been a bad morning.  The upside is that I've gotten some crying done. It probably sounds weird but I haven't don't nearly enough since he left the house. I just feel numb, like I'm trying to feel through a heavy layer of scar tissue.  I hate still being in love with someone who did SO MANY things knowing full well that I would be hurt by his actions and honestly I don't give the slightest fucking damn that he's an addict anymore.  He still made the decisions with full knowledge of the reprocussions.  I love him and I hate him. I hate myself for not leaving him earlier.  For trusting him over and over again.  For not listening to warnings from people who knew him better.  For being young and naive and thinking that love could be enough.  I love being a mommy, but I hate being a single mother.  I hate that the kids don't even have a grandparent that they can count on.  I hate that I've lost my best friend, and the only other person who even comes close is understandably wrapped up in terrible health issues.  I'm so tired and this toothache is making everything completely miserable to top it off. 

Today can't end soon enough.

Cheese

Friday, February 18, 2011

Clean up on Asile 3!

There are moments in life that you wish you could preserve.  Keep them on a shelf in an acrylic display box like your own private trophy to remind you of a moment of triumph.  Not everyone else would really understand why it's there, but for you it's beautiful. 

My little guy who'll be turning 2 next month gave me one of those moments.  He'd somehow triggered the water dispenser on the fridge and was crying more out of startlement than anything else.  I had my hands in dinner so I gave him a quick once-over and told him he was fine before going back to what I was doing.   Before I could finish and move on to cleaning up the small puddle the little guy got into the drawer with the towels and toddled over to wipe it up himself. 

Talk about bringing tears to the eyes of a stressed out mommy.  You never have a camera on hand when you REALLY need it. Better yet I wish I had it as a gif file that I could just have playing in the corner of my screen at all times. Just a sweet little boy forever bent over and flailing away at the puddle he'd made. *sigh*

Cheese

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Hello again

So, I've been around since I last did any posting. Both on the internet and off. I've thought on more than one occasion that "I miss my blog" or "maybe I should start a new blog", there was even a "I wonder if my blog is still there, or if it's just crumbled from disuse?" There's much going on at this point in my life that I don't even know where to begin. I think before I do any serious posting I go back and at least skim over what I'd written in the past. That, and I need to find someone to watch the boys while I'm at rehersal tonight. :P It really sucks not to have a Mom to blackmail into watching her Grandkids when in a tight spot the way my Mom did.

Cheese!