Love Stinks

It's been a bad morning.  The upside is that I've gotten some crying done. It probably sounds weird but I haven't don't nearly enough since he left the house. I just feel numb, like I'm trying to feel through a heavy layer of scar tissue.  I hate still being in love with someone who did SO MANY things knowing full well that I would be hurt by his actions and honestly I don't give the slightest fucking damn that he's an addict anymore.  He still made the decisions with full knowledge of the reprocussions.  I love him and I hate him. I hate myself for not leaving him earlier.  For trusting him over and over again.  For not listening to warnings from people who knew him better.  For being young and naive and thinking that love could be enough.  I love being a mommy, but I hate being a single mother.  I hate that the kids don't even have a grandparent that they can count on.  I hate that I've lost my best friend, and the only other person who even comes close is understandably wrapped up in terrible health issues.  I'm so tired and this toothache is making everything completely miserable to top it off. 

Today can't end soon enough.

Cheese

Clean up on Asile 3!

There are moments in life that you wish you could preserve.  Keep them on a shelf in an acrylic display box like your own private trophy to remind you of a moment of triumph.  Not everyone else would really understand why it's there, but for you it's beautiful. 

My little guy who'll be turning 2 next month gave me one of those moments.  He'd somehow triggered the water dispenser on the fridge and was crying more out of startlement than anything else.  I had my hands in dinner so I gave him a quick once-over and told him he was fine before going back to what I was doing.   Before I could finish and move on to cleaning up the small puddle the little guy got into the drawer with the towels and toddled over to wipe it up himself. 

Talk about bringing tears to the eyes of a stressed out mommy.  You never have a camera on hand when you REALLY need it. Better yet I wish I had it as a gif file that I could just have playing in the corner of my screen at all times. Just a sweet little boy forever bent over and flailing away at the puddle he'd made. *sigh*

Cheese

Hello again

So, I've been around since I last did any posting. Both on the internet and off. I've thought on more than one occasion that "I miss my blog" or "maybe I should start a new blog", there was even a "I wonder if my blog is still there, or if it's just crumbled from disuse?" There's much going on at this point in my life that I don't even know where to begin. I think before I do any serious posting I go back and at least skim over what I'd written in the past. That, and I need to find someone to watch the boys while I'm at rehersal tonight. :P It really sucks not to have a Mom to blackmail into watching her Grandkids when in a tight spot the way my Mom did.

Cheese!