Out In the Open

Just in case you haven't heard.

I'm pregnant.

I figure anyone who is reading this already knows. In fact the only people we're NOT telling right away is My extended family. This is just to give Dad a break, we plan on moving out of the house and into an apartment in the next few months, and 'till then, we're going to try to keep his harassment down to a minimum.

I haven't decided yet, if I'm going to use this space as a running diary of sorts. I might. . .but I might not.

Right now, I'm just trying to absorb the fact that I'm going to have a baby.

So give me a minute.

or two

Yes, I said Badass.

I found this and you just have to see it if you haven't already


BADASS Christmas Lights

A New Downtown Attraction

World AIDS awareness day!!!


was yesterday. . .

But how could I resist posting a picture of an obelisk wearing a giant condom????

Now there's a city with a sense of humor.

cheese!

Christmas Fantasia Email

This is a copy of the email that I just sent out to the few email addresses that I possess. If you read it you're invited!


I know that I promised to send this out about two weeks ago, but I keep forgetting. Anyone surprised?

Anyway, if you're still interested in coming (and I'd love for anyone to attend) here is the information:

Calvary Bible Church: Christmas Fantasia

We will have 4 performances- Thurs Dec 8th through Sun 12th.
Doors open at 6:30, Show starts at 7:00
All at the lovely (overpriced) - Hutchins Street Square
Admission is FREE!!

It will be approximately 2 hours long. There will be an intermission that will include some sort of sugary dessert, and probably a "True meaning of Christmas" speech at some point.

The choir is actually very good. We sang with the "Gary Bonner Singers" a few weeks ago, and this group is one of the reasons we are attending this church. The music is challenging enough that after three straight rehearsals this week my voice is looking forward to a holiday nap. Depending on the night I am either in the small ensemble group for the second half, or doing a solo.

I will be able to pick up 6 tickets on Sunday-but I have to have names. (And Rich Phipps is first on my list)
On Monday (the 28th) tickets are going on a first-come first-served basis, I can call/get them. Or better yet (because we all know how good I am at remembering this kind of thing) you can call Keith and Laura Kenegawa (333-2452) to get reservations yourself. You might still need to provide the names of people attending. (they just want to make every effort to have real people in the seats) Seating is limited and I've been told that they have very good attendance.

Please Come if you can! Free Sugar, and a chance to hear me sing notes that make my brain rattle in my skull. I can guarantee that it will be better than that singing christmas tree across town. And please Forward this to anyone who might be interested. I don't have many email addresses and half of them are old.

See you there! (I hope)

Joke

The Door Stopper

Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open.Seeing the two church members at the door frustrated her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.

But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn't shut.

Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson.

Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

BASTARD!!!

Just a WTF moment.

I happened across this article That tells of a Dutch Television station trying to break the Guiness Book Record for most Dominoes. And apparently there is a large faction of people upset that there was a sparrow killed in the process. People Angry, Station "Saddened" etc.

Personally I take the side of the guy who shot the damn bird. I mean honestly, if I had just spent days setting up 4.1 Million of these things and a SPARROW knocked over 23,000 of them. . . just imagine seeing 23 THOUSAND dominoes fall. . .and know that you are going to have to set them back up AGAIN...

If the bird stuck around long enough for some one to grab a gun, Personally, I'd consider it natural selection.

Mood goes up...Mood goes down

Haven't been in much of a mood to write lately. But some good news:

Rich did manage to get into an Anatomy Class!! (Big Yay!) All 12 of them had filled up hours before he was able to schedule. I'd been keeping as close a track of them as I could while at work. So I told him which were the last to fill up, figuring from experience that not only would there be a smaller waiting list, but, there would probably be one or two people enrolled in the class who would prefer a different time slot-and would be on a waiting list themselves. It's always fun to be right :D

"Peter's Friends" is finally over. UmmmM. . . well. . .It inspired a few things. . .nevermind

Last night at the choir rehersal (for the christmas show I'm doing with the church) we got to run through without the canned voices on the tape. And I had to sing my solo, for the first time, in front of the choir (and my hubby) without anyone else singing it. Mic and everything. And Damn, was I scared. It's soooooOOoo different to be singing like this rather than onstage as a character or as part of a group. It's not even like karaoke, where most of the people singing suck anyway. These people don't suck, and most of them have some training. SCARY According to my husband I did very well. And he was there for the entire practice so he's heard everything and can give a review to anyone who asks. I'm hoping to get that email out about the show (in case anyone wants to come) out today.

And maybe I'm being petty, but. . .If you are telling people that you are going to have a "party" at your home on a certian date, especially if everyone's known about it for at least a week in advance, I think it is supremely bad form to have nothing to eat or drink available. Most people don't mind bringing things-and will, even if you don't ask (proven a few times over) But if you are planning to only be furnishing the location-it would be nice if you said so. Not to mention that some of us would actively avoid a party that seems to be centered around the alcohol available. I wonder if they also invite the people who are allergic to seafood to a crab feed.

--Sorry, I could really keep going, but I'm going to stop. It's amazing how upset a person can get in the space of half-an-hour.

Does that make me a "Double Movie Whore"?

I saw this on Skippy's blog. Maybe it's just a morbid curisoity for me to see just how many of these I've seen. Because I didn't see any orginization in the way the movies were arranged and broken into chunks I'm going to put them into groups of ten just because I'm lazy and my computer's being wonky.

Put an X by the movies you've seen.If you get more than 70, you're a movie whore.
COPY AND REPOST! PLACE YOUR SCORE IN THE SUBJECT LINE

(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
( ) Garden State
(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
Total here: 8

(x) Anchor Man
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Saw
(x)White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
Total here: 8

( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Resident Evil I
Total here: 6

(x) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
( ) Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
Total here: 8

(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (I was too busy playing poker at the annual marathon to watch)
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I Robot
(x) Dodgeball
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came A Spider
Total here: 8

( ) Deep impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
Total here: 5

(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
Total here: 3

( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
Total here: 4

(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Seven (SE7EN)
(x) Oceans Eleven
Total here: 3

(x) Oceans Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(x) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(x) Independence day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
Total here: 3

(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
Total here: 5

(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) X-men 1
(x) X-men 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
Total here: 9

( ) Ring of Fire
( ) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle
( ) Old School
(x) Ray
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Total here: 6

(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
(x) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
( ) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
Total here: 8

(x) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi
(x) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
(x) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap
Total here: 5

(x) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator
( ) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
(x) Meet Joe Black
( ) Wild Girls
(x) A Clockwork Orange
( ) The Order
(x) Spiderman
(x) Spiderman 2
Total here: 6

( ) Amelie
(x) Mean Girls
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) The Incredibles
( ) Collateral
( ) The Fast & The Furious
( ) 2 Fast 2 Furious
(x) Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
(x) Closer
Total here: 6

(x) Titanic
(x) Saved
( ) Bowling For Columbine
( ) Farenheit 9/11
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) Artificial intelligence (AI)
(x) Love actually
( ) Shutter
(x) Ella Enchanted
(x) Princess Diaries
Total here: 7

(x) Princess Diaries 2
(x) Constantine
(x) Million Dollar Baby
(x) Envy
( ) Eurotrip
(x) Malibu's Most wanted
( ) Big Daddy
( ) Black Sheep
(x) The Breakfast Club
(x) West Side Story
Total here: 7

(x) A Christmas Story
(x) Spanglish
(x) Pulp Fiction
( ) Sleepover
( ) The Evil Dead
( ) Killer Klowns From Outer Space*
( ) The Seed of Chucky
( ) Vanilla Sky
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Total here: 5

(x) Interview With The Vampire
(x) The Crow
( ) Purple Rain
( ) Reservoir Dogs
(x) Wayne's World
( ) Wayne's World 2
(x) 21 Grams
( ) Blow
(x) Edward Scissorhands
(x) Clerks
Total here: 7

(x) Beauty and the Beast
( ) Guess Who
( ) Monster In-Law
(x) Elf
(x) Stuart Little
( ) Stuart Little 2
(x) Mall Rats
(x) Chasing Amy
(x) Dogma
(x) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Total here: 7

(x) Beetlejuice
(x) The Last Samurai
( ) The Amityville Horror
(x) The Aviator
(x) Romeo + Juliet
( ) Barbershop
( ) Beauty Shop
(x) Legally Blonde
( ) Legally Blonde 2
(x) The Forgotten
( ) Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
(x) Grudge
Total here: 7

Total: 141

Dear Snot! So that's why I don't watch any TV!

Kamikaze Clarinet Karaoke

So in the mornings on the way to work I usually Listen to "Shawn & Jeff". And I'm sure that everyone's familiar with the way morning shows try to make up new and exciting ways to give away prizes. A while ago they came up with Kamikaze Clarinet Karaoke. I think that it was inspired by "Hollaback Girl". But anyway, Jeff (I think) is handed a piece of paper with a song written on it, and after a brief warm-up/experimentation trys to play the song on his old clarinet.

This may be one of my favorite games. . .ever.

Having been exposed to an absurd amount of children who "play" the clarinet, (and think it's a good idea to wait till the day before a concert to tell Mom that they need new cork) I have heard more horrid renditions of "A Whole New World" and "The Jurassic Park Theme" than anyone who is not a band teacher deserves. And if you don't want to piss off the proud parent there is no laughing, cringing, or just asking the child to stopfortheloveofallthatsholy! I can tell that the poor man on the other side of the radio must have at one time been reasonably accomplished, because you CAN. . .eventually. . .figure out what he's trying to play off the top of his head. He actually created a very good rendition of "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and "Lonely No More" , The only downside is that they do the game at random, and that my cell doesn't allow me to call the station (shitnuggets!)

So this morning I tuned in just in time to catch the end of the warm-up. Now the guys involved are laughing throughout the entire segment-and I don't know how you can laugh AND play the clarinet. It started something like
"Ok, for tickets to see Rob Thomas and Anna Nalyck, Name this tune!!"
"Ok, I've got it" (clarinet plays a few notes) Honk! "wait" HONK! "wait" honk! "wait, OK, Ok, Ok NOW I've got it"
this goes on for a bit before he hits his stride-and plays through the chorus a few times. And I have no clue, just a vague sense of familiarity. Neither do the people calling in and guessing. It gets to the point where people are guessing whatever has come to mind, even if it sounds Nothing like what he's trying to play. So after taking a bunch of really stupid calls they finally say,
"Ok, I'll give you guys a big hint, this is for tickets to see ROB THOMAS"
Now the people are giving every song that they can think of involving Rob Thomas (except for some reason, if he sang it with Matchbox Twenty, hmmm) Finally the poor guy howling through the clarinet says
"Hey, What time is it?"
"Why, it's 3AM, Oh, no, it's 7:48"
more clueless calls
"I don't know how I can give you a bigger hint, ROB THOMAS"
"What time is it?"
"3AM, no I'm sorry it's not 3AM, it's 7:51"
a few more clueless calls came in before a very exasperated caller finally got the right answer. they went to commercial, and I guess one of the other guys in the studio claimed that he could do a better likeness while gargling beer. . .so when they came back, one of the DJs had found a
Bud Light. It didn't work out.

I haven't laughed so hard while driving in a long time.

Movie: The Color Purple

So, Rich's new show with Smiler's over at the Empire theater opened last Friday. It's an adaptation of "Peter's Friends". And, uh. . . I sat up in the sound booth with Steph during the show. . .so, I uh. . .couldn't hear it. :)

Over the weekend I watched "The Color Purple" for the first time. I really enjoyed it, even though it was a touch trite. Quincy Jones did a great job on the music-if I ever have money I might look up the soundtrack. Whoopie Goldberg deserved all of her nominations for her performance. Having grown up watching her portray strong characters, it was almost bizzare to see her play this frail beaten woman. Granted the story is about how she gains strength over the years, but you don't see that person till the last 20 minutes or so. Oprah Winfrey did a great job with her character too. Rich said they could have easily made a whole 'nother movie about Sofia's story.

Overall it was not what I had expected it to be. All I had heard was that it was about a young woman who was abused by, and had two children with her father, before landing in a marriage with a husband who beats her. I expected the "Shindler's List", "American History X" type of movie. Ya know? Good, Amazing, but in a terrible way. So, I was surprised to see that the focus had been kept on the humor in the situation. And while the strength she finds does involve anger, and rightly so. The real power comes from joy.

The whole point isn't being pissed off at how you've been wronged. But finding value in the moments of happiness you are given. And making sure that they come as often as possible.

"It pisses God off, when you walk by the color purple in a field, and don't notice."

Just in Case

If you ever find yourself in a Horror Movie, remember this:

If you are losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope.-Max Gunther

Cheese!

Truly scary

I think that there are a few times a parent should say "No" to a costume idea. This is one. I don't know, but to me a little kid in a grey suit with a "beatle" wig is cute. This is wrong. Not as wrong as a child dressed up as Michael Jackson, but still wrong.
The really scary thing is that I found this picture months ago. I was just waiting for a "cousins shouldn't marry" joke to come to mind.



Cheese!

Happy Halloween!!

This was really easy to make, and everyone got a kick out of it. I don't know that everyone had the courage to eat it, but it was very good. Even my husband had fun melting a tootsie roll into a puddle to put on top. I'll try to post a picture of it later.

And we had a wonderful time at the annual horror movie marathon. I was a cow. . . moooooOOOoo.


Cat Box Cake

CAKE INGREDIENTS:
1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"

1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.
2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.
3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.
4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!

Cheese!

Cheese for everyone!

Ah, cramps. Gotta love 'em. On the bright side it means Rich and I have ducked parenthood for another month. If I had been smart I would have invested in Norplant or something. But Rich thinks I'm insane enough without it. :D

anyway, Fun...


An observant Jew called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.

He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray: "God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue: "God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."Lotto night comes a second time and Jacob still has no luck! Back to the synagogue again, Jacob asks: "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and my children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of God himself:

"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE....BUY A LOTTO TICKET."



Once there was an old rich man who was afraid of dying and leaving all his wealth behind on earth. So, he took up the matter with God. He pleaded day and night to be able to take all his earthly possessions with him.

Finally, God conceded. He said the man could take as much as he could fit in one suitcase. The old man immediately went out, bought a huge suitcase, sold all he owned and filled the suitcase with gold bars.

Shortly after that, the old man died. Awkwardly dragging the big, heavy suitcase, he approached St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter stopped him, asked him to open his luggage, and then told him he couldn't bring his gold bars into Heaven.The man was irate. "You don't understand," he said. "I got permission directly from God himself for this. He told me whatever I could fit into one suitcase, I could bring with me."

St. Peter, shrugged his shoulders and simply said, "Fine with me. But we've already got plenty of pavement here."

Just goes to show you, nothing has the same value everywhere. I like that idea.


And some wise words from Lucy that I need to keep in mind:


Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

-Lucille Ball

New Comic: Queen of Wands

So for some terrible reason I have had the "Captian Planet" theme running through my head for the last week or so. I even came up with a funny idea that I just don't have time to draw. Something along the lines of a superhero convention with everyone making fun of the entire premise of the Blue Mullet Man. So I ran across a new comic that I'm really enjoying (I'm afraid of how much I might be like Kestral) When I ran across This strip. Darwin and a chainsaw >D

Another followed a few weeks later that Perfectly Illustrated why I hate retail.

And Just one reason The cats aren't allowed in the bedroom. It really has happened. :)

Sometimes they can almost see your mood coming.

It's a beautiful, but I don't think I'd like to look out of my window and see Wilma on her way.

Rich got me sick.

At least it was just in a "feel like crap that has been smacked with a hammer" and nauseated for 18 hours way. I don't feel great now, but that will go away too.

Started gritting my teeth again yesterday and did something mildly unpleasant to my left TMJ. At least the swelling seems to be mild this time. Here's some genuine hoping that no-one pisses me off again today. I have trouble noticing that I'm hurting myself when I'm imagining hurting other people. I really don't want to have to spend another three weeks on a soft diet. Even pudding gets old.

Fucking Nuts, I long for a grapefruit.

Smug

There's nothing like seeing a jerk get in trouble to improve your mood.

Since they closed Lower Sac for repairs the drive in the morning has gotten longer. And though Davis is a little farter away, it makes up for it in a LOT less traffic overall. But 12 can be a bit on the crowded (if still going 65) side. So you drive a little cautiously-because you know they refer to it as "Blood Alley" for good reason, and people are stupid. When ,you look in the rear view mirror, and right on cue an idiot in a white car pulls right up to your bumper. You hope that you showered well this morning 'cause their nose is up your ass. There is a stream of cars going by to your left, so this intelligent person decides to put his car half in the dirt to pass you on the right and wedge himself in between you and the little red car in front of you. Asshole. Then seeing a gap in oncoming traffic the white car passes the red car on the left.
Rich was driving-and this is what was going through his head:

"That's a really stupid thing to do seeing how many cops. . .there. . ."

All of the cars moved to the side of the road as a police car twinkled on by. And just before we got to the turn lane for Davis, there was the cop, parked behind a certian white car.

yup, smug

after all those times where you really wish there had been a cop to see how some jerk cut you off, FINALLY one got caught.

I could, say just in case I happen to know the person driving the car, and they happen to read this, that I don't mean to cause offense.

But I would be lying.

And I think that the white car got exactly what he deserved, and I think fines in that area may even be a little higher because of the high accident rate.

Smug is a warm cuddly blanket at the moment, all I need is some cocoa.

(devilish laugh)

Rumors ARE stupid, send me your money.

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.-William James

Sometimes people are just bizarre. I had a great time at Chilis' last night-it was even worth driving there in my little brother's car. Which is borderline taking-my-life-in-my-hands. Between the headlight that has been out since last winter, the fact that it feels like it's going to shake apart at "high" speeds, and his reluctance to clean the sap from the birch tree off of his windshield-I wasn't happy. Sleepy, but not happy. But I showed up when I was invited. I do so LOVE to be invited to do. . .Just about anything.

"Hey, ya wanna sit in a room and breathe?"
"Just breathe?"
"Yup"
"Nothing Else?"
"Yup"
...
"Ok, sounds like fun!"

And just so you know-I adore the "Shanghai Wings" at Chilis'. My husband and I agreed that it's kind of like sushi without the raw fish. I love sushi. But its easier to get a big group of people to go to Chilis' than, say, Matsuyama's. And cheaper in the long run. Ginger and Wasabi, YUMMY!

Anyway, I just find it strange that people seem capable of believing anything they hear. Even when it goes against what the person in question says, and everything you have seen them do. Maybe I can start a few rumors. . .

BRAD PITT HAS LEFT ANGELINA JOLIE FOR A FLING WITH A CHINOOK SALMON!!!
MOTHER THERESA HAS BEEN SUMMONED FROM THE UNDERWORLD TO DROWN PUPPIES!!
THE MOVIE "THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE" WAS TRUE AND THE INVASION HAS BEGUN!!!!

AND ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO SPEND INSANE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON MAKING THEIR CARS LOOK LIKE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE MATED WITH A DISCO BALL, ARE GOING TO SEND ME ALL THE CASH THEY WOULD HAVE WASTED ON FURTHER MORONIC MODIFICATIONS!!!!!!!

I'm hoping the last one takes off.

Cheese!

Vocal Warmup and a Two-minute drawing

What a to-do

to die today

at a minute or two to two

a thing distinctly hard to say

yet harder still to do

for they'll beat a tattoo

at twenty to two

with a

ra-ta-ta ta-ta-ta ta-ta-ta too

and the Dragon will come

when he hears the drum

at a minute or two to two today

at a minute or two to two.

Grandma will always be with you. . .Really

So, there is now a company that will take cremated human remains and make them into a diamond.

yup

I'm not sure whether that is cool or just creepy. And what happens if years later you decide to sell it? Do you run the risk of being arrested for selling human remains?

Cheese!

You squished my Jello

The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grasp.-John Berry


Life is like Jello-the harder you squeeze it, the more it escapes your grasp.

And please remember, to some people, friendship is more important than money.

Since we're all on the subject of Cats

So if you have a pet I'm sure that you also have a few toys for that pet. The most popular one in our house is a bunch of streamers on a mini "fishing" pole that cost all of $2 at Wal Mart. We've been through two of these-in between loosing them. If you leave it where Churro could find it he'd drag it around the house with him.

So one day Rich and I were in the clearance isle at the grocery store when we saw some sort of "Electronic Pet" similar to the one pictured above. Voice activated, makes a bunch of different sounds, and runs around on it's own. Sounds like a fun thing to stick in front of a cat right? The cats would sit and stare at this thing when we'd make it move around, and when it stopped they would smack it with one paw and then run away like a first grader with a crush. I guess the relationship worked out. . . we haven't seen the mouse since we went to bed that night.

The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others-Vincent Van Gogh

I eat you

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.-Emily Post


just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRrrrrrr!

Back to Cheese!

I wish my cats could do that! On second thought. . .Churro is so fat he would probably cause your arm to fall off, nevermind. All my cats seem to be good for is eating something they shouldn' t and then throwing up all over the house-yay for no carpets! That and unrolling the toilet paper.


Seriously, Churro is so fat that the other night I was standing in the kitchen talking to my father when the cat decides he wants to get in a box that is sitting on the floor. It's not a very big box-just about armpit high for the cat. So he just steps inside. . .and then trys to step his hind legs in. . . but the box is just a little too high. So my Dad and I sit there and chuckle as the cat trys to lift one leg, and then the other into the box without success. You might be wondering where "fat" comes into the equation. . . Well, when the cat finally gave up on getting his hind legs into the box he stepped over the nearest edge of the box-not the same one the came over in the first place. He was twisting around a corner-legs outside the box-canteloupe sized stomach inside the box. When he realized that he was still stuck he then tried to run away-dragging the box along with him. Dad and I were laughing so hard by now that we didn't even see how he got out- we were both too busy try to breathe.

Yup, had a good weekend. . .

and just so you know, if your first thought when going to a stand-up comedy act is "Couldn't they have come up with a better title than that?" The answer is NO, and they probably think that it's very clever. . . not a place to be. Unless you have a bunch of friends showing up and can kick their ass in Cranium later.

Cheese!

Spoiler Alert!?

(I guess I should warn you that this might contain a spoiler or two-but you should already be aware of them.)

I hate it when people ruin a surprise. The ultimate was during a speech class. We were giving a Short subject (2-3 minute) speech on "Pet Peeves". I can't remeber what my subject was, but I remember about 20 seconds of someone else's. It went something like:

How many of you have seen "The Sixth Sense"?

(a little more than half of the class raises their hands)

Well how many of you already knew that BRUCE WILLIS WAS DEAD!? Someone told me before, blah blah blah. . .

The Sixth Sense had just left the theaters. I had missed it, but had every intention of watching it as soon as it came out on video. I just watched that movie for the first time about two months ago-and I'm pissed off all over again. I think the title of that speech Should have been "My Pet Peeve, ME!" HelllOOooo! You just ruined the movie for at least 20 people that I could see, SHIT. Moron.

Anyway, the reason for the Fantastic Four. I was reading an article about Jessica Alba and her role in "Into the Blue". First of all someone was questioning why she spent most of the movie in a bikini. I havn't seen the movie-but from what the trailers have indicated I think it was much more logical than, say, a parka. Yes it shows off her body, woop-de-doo, most bathing suits do. And in a movie so centered around the ocean, bathing suits of one or two peices make the most sense.

At the end of the Article they mentioned that she had been signed up for two more "Fantastic Four" movies. With this:
"SPOILER ALERT!!!
They get married"

Now, I appriciate the effort, but. . . isn't that something that every drooling fanboy who went to see the movie already knew? I think I knew that she was Reed's wife before I knew that she was Johnny's sister.

And thanks to my husband I will spend another day with "Dress to Kill" running through my head.

Wish I was "Running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when you get up into them."

If You Don't Know

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.-Abigail Van Buren


So I played Texas Hold 'Em for the first time last night. I'll give it some time before it's just something I do to make my husband happy. After all, my problem seemed to be that most of my hands either sucked outright, or just weren't quite good enough. The one hand I did win was of a decent size though. Oh, wait, I won another. Everyone else folded after looking at their hand.

Yup, I'm good. :P

Cheeseish

How can you breathe in that cloud of hate?

I just wonder sometimes, ya know? Why is everyone more interested in their own political agenda then in what is going on? Don't you think more might get done if people stopped screaming at each other about who did or didn't do what for which reason and just worked on making things better for everyone?

But I guess that's true everywhere. Honestly, what good is camping on the side of the road going to do anyone? All I have seen is someone who has found an original method for gaining their 15 minutes of Fame. They might feel strongly about whatever it is, but wasn't there a more effective/less public way to serve their ideals? This was not an issue that was going unnoticed by the public-it was just a way for YOU to get on TV.

What is really sad to me, is that a person who wrote a book that called attention to a travesty mostly unknown to our generation, was given a tiny blurb on her death. I don't remember the date, but I cut out the one inch wide, four line long notice, and taped it on the inside cover of my copy of "The Rape of Nanking". Iris Chang committed suicide-did you notice? Have you even heard of the event? Probably not. That was something to be upset about. I think that Japan has just started apologizing for their war crimes in the last few months-maybe they'll mention it by name.

No Cheese

Gene Pool Lifegaurd

I don't want to be thought creul, but. . . I don't know, if a puppy swallows a 13 inch long serrated knife something's wrong. Suicidal puppy or natural selection at work?

All Done (no cheese)

So the show that Rich and I were doing together ended last night. It doesn't destroy me the way it did years ago, maybe it's because I know that it won't be too long before I do another one. Or that I actually continue to go out with my favorite people after the show is over. If you've never been on stage in a play (though I know that most of the people who would read my blog are involved in the theater) its not something that is easy to describe. But I do recommend it, an dbeing in a production doesn't necessarliy mean being on stage. There is always need for someone able to help out backstage. The only thing that really disappoints me is the way last night ended. I guess we just had so much fun on Friday night that it couldn't really compare. It was just sad to see everyone go their seperate ways so quickly after it ended-I mean the UNO tournament only went on the first night, and then the people most involved never stuck around. Ok, so I'm bummed.

We were asked to consider doing another show at the Empire theater but I don't think that I'll be able to. RIGHT before my husband called with that news I recieved a call from my choir director. I enjoy acting, but I have very little confidence in my abilities. Whereas when it comes to singing in a choir I know that I have value. I'm not the best soloist-at least in the sense that I didn't become the operatic singer that my instructors wanted me to. But I know how to blend and support a note which is invaluable in groups. I've only been a member of this choir since around the beginning of March, and I know that no-one is going to throw someone the don't know into a position of responsiblity when they have people they've known for years. So it means a lot to me to be asked to do this, especially since they've hardly seen me this summer, between the break we took (if I'm not supposed to sing it's not easy to get me to church on Sunday morning) and not being able to show up to practice because of rehersals for the show. It surprised me that I was asked at all. Besides, I really miss singing.

But in REALLY good news, Mom took a shower this morning! Yay! I just hope she's also wearing clean clothes. In so many ways I'm really tired of this, it's not fair to any of us, especially her. But there's not really anything we can do. Except maybe try to get her to eat a decent meal once a day. How do you deal with this? I'm just sick and angry-and I don't care if you think being angry is right, or if you think of me as weak for being disgusted by watching her eat, or drink. No one who is not directly involved has a right to judge me. and just because you live here doesn't mean that you understand. I hate this.

No cheese

I wish I were having more fun

So I added a whole bunch of new links on the sidebar. Mostly additional comics :)

I love this bear-it was going to be my profile pix until I stole the "kitty with a gun" from my brother.

n-e-way gotta get back to work

Cheese!

Surviving

Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.-Mary Tyler Moore



I am a stronger person thanks to the things that have happened, or are currently happening in my life. But I'm not sure that I would say it makes me grateful for them.

Some Flavors were not meant to be Mixed

This is just scary.
I see four different flavors.

Lemon
Milk
Bourbon
Pickle

Now, I'm not entirely sure that the spelling of Bourbon refers to the beverage. But even without it you would still have Pickle to contend with. I like to give everything a try at least once before saying that I won't like it-Heck, I've eaten Lutefisk! (not something I would do again if I were starving) But I'm thinking that I would pass this one up. . .maybe.

Cheese!

She-Ra, Princess of Power, Trys a DIY Wax Kit

This had me in tears and snorting in the effort not to laugh out loud at work (which, I'm sure you know, only makes things worse) WARNING!! This is a story about waxing-specifically, some of the more sensitive areas of the body where you might want hair removed. So it will mention said parts. But it is damn funny. Thanks to TokayTessie for sending it too me



All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner, played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax, my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. I take another deep breath and RIP. Everything is swirley and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off. Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than then that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub, in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn?t melt cold wax? So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub! There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom .Are we talking cheeks or hole or what? She's laughing out loudly now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up... I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT! So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point. Next week I?m going to try hair color......

For the Fashionable Male in Your Life

Or woman, I guess. One of these days I'll do a real post again, ya know, when I have time. But till then. . . THINK testicles

Cheese!

Too much truth in advertising

I appreciate modesty, and it is best to be honest whenever possible. But sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut about the quality of your product. I wonder if they were aiming for any particular word, since I doubt that they really wanted to be known as "The Vomit". Maybe they cater to bulimics?

Sleepy this morning-and lots to do.

Cheese!

I'll find it. . . Eventually

I left work early yesterday. Aren't migranes fun? Since I started working here at the end of May I've only left work twice, and both times my employer has asked me if they could give me a ride home. I guess when you look as miserable as I do when I don't feel well you just can't wait for them to leave. :D Luckily I think that I'll be fine tonight. If not being on stage with all of those bright lights, uncomfortable clothing, and loud voices is going to be really fun. Unfortunately this has left me even more lost and confused at work than I was yesterday. And I need to finish the book that I'm reading so I stop trying to pick it up. Dang Book.-

Engrish.com is still making me laugh- and my little brother showed me stupid-videos.com-The old Swarzenegger adds from Japan are absolutely bizarre. (I'll check that link later, really I will)

Nerds, I am one of them, and so are you.

We are the future, you cannot resist us.















I wonder if there were always nerds throughout the centuries. Was he the ancient Egyptian with the overbite and a collar made by his Mom that said "my Hieroglyphics are more uniform than yours"? Was he the guy running around the renaissance with breeches too short, shoes too long, and carrying the newest import from the east, the abacus? Was there a Neanderthal that learned how to make the first daisy chain for a female he liked, only to have it crushed beneath the impressively heavy rock of a "cooler" male? Maybe that's the real reason why St Paul (I think) embraced celibacy, and encouraged others to it. Perhaps he had been rejected so many times he just started saying that this was the way he preferred to live. Or maybe he just had trouble producing testosterone-I dunno. Anyway, Long live the Nerds!!

Cheese!

Sometimes you really need cute

Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness.-May Sarton

Proof, it sucks to be a Monk

If you are going to be a monk, it seems like one of the best places to be would be a monastary with a brewery. Right?

That is until your brew is declared the best in the world.

After all this isn't exactly the Budweiser plant out in Fairmont (? is that right-I've only driven by)

Best Beer in the world = Empty Stiens.

guess they'll be drinking water for a while.

Some people should just know when to stop

I just wonder, are those earrings or are they counter-weights to keep the scaffolding on her head.

But honestly, How old is this woman? Last I read she is over Fifty with no surgical "improvements". Man, if you could bottle that you'd make a fortune. Not that she really needs the money.

Cheese!

I will master this blog. . .thingy

How to get rid of your parents (I had to use something)

OOOhhh, did it work?


Thank You Shan'Chelle!!!

One try too!!

Once again forbidden to dance-it's too easy for other people to see what I'm doing in my cubicle.

Yay! Thank You!

Jinguru Berus, Jinguru Berus, Jinguru awhh da wayeee

So, linked to the bad-tattoo Japanese/Chinese website from yesterday was this little gem:
www.engrish.com

Most people are aware that words are not always easy to translate from one language to another. This site showcases some of the most bizzare things to be formed into a sentence. There are a few tattoos as well, proving you don't have to be white to get a stupid marking you can't understand. I just wonder how they get these words together. At least my Dad's favorite experience with poor translation makes sense:

At one time the Music Box sold keyboards. (They still do sometimes around the holidays) One particular model imported from Japan-I believe it may have been a Yamaha-but I'm not sure. Had legs that you attached to the main body, so you didn't need a stand after it was assembled. Which is a good idea right? Unfortunatly a mistake was noticed when the floor model was being assembled. . . The legs of the keyboard had to be attached with Screws. And what does one do with a screw??? (Hint: you don't hammer it) I believe the proper verb is screw, as in "screw the 3/4 screw into slot B." Do you see where this is going? The verb "screw" describes more than one type of action, apparently this also applies in Japanese. Because the written directions asked you to "firmly F$^k the legs to the base of the instrument" In fact anytime the word "screw" should have been used, "F*&k" was used instead. Really

I just discovered something. If you put "F*" and "@k" together it creates a link. I'm not sure I want to know where this link would go. Yup I'm chicken, I admit it. Enjoy the mangled English.

I love curry, and hamsters are very cute, but I don't think that there is a hamster cheerful enough to get me to buy this product.







As my husband will tell you, I am also afraid of hurt. Great, I have something in common with a lawn.
Apparently I was wrong about there being many boxes big enough for the Walrus to be tossed into like Scrappy-doo. At least this one is labeled "black" so you should be safe.

More jokes I stole

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificiy
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.


Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him.. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or sex?" and she said, "Wear sun-block."



WHY DO MEN PEE STANDING UP??
God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over and couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!"
On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."
"What's it called?" asked Eve.
"Brains," said God


why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh, Shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted


(No fair making me laugh at work Lace!)

Joke 'n stuff

I'm Sorry, It made ME laugh.



Joke:

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart, made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist.

Stuff:

Tattoo
This site was mentioned on the comic I am currently reading:
http://www.hanzismatter.com/
It just proves what I have always said: Make sure you know what it says! I studied Japanese in High School for four years, which by no means makes me an expert. But I have seen one or two ridiculous things on t-shirts or tattoos that even I know is not right. I mean, I know that everyone has heard the story about the guy who went in to get something stupid (in my opinion) like "Stud" or "Powerful" or "King" tattooed on. And instead the poor doofus has something more like "Dumb Ass" permanently on his bicep. This site is all about that breed of doofus. You can be sure that I would check as many resources as I could find before trusting someone to put something I couldn't understand into my skin.
One day I really will get my little dragon tattooed somewhere on my body! Since I drew it I'm not worried about it being some obscure symbol for "Crack Whore". But until then, it's fun to look.

2 Years!
Rich and I got married two years ago yesterday! I really can't believe it since I never really expected to develop a long term relationship in my life. I thought that I would end up just like my Mother, and while I think that my Father is one of the most admirable men in existence. I didn't want anyone to have to live through what he is currently experiencing for my sake. But heck, ya meet a guy doing Karaoke and all that stuff changes. I don't think that I would even have gone through the genetic testing yet if he hadn't been with me. I love him more now than I did then-I deserve it, and. . .I guess he does too. ;)

Politics/Religion
I'm not one to spout about my beliefs in either area in most cases. If only because I often don't think that it's worth the effort. The majority of my friends don't share my ideas in one or both areas. I'll tell you about my beliefs if you ask, but they are mine, and don't always coincide with what the establishment says. I go to church, yes, but the thing that keeps me coming back is singing in the choir. Not arguing with fat balding men about who is risking hell by doing what. (yes I have done that-a few times-I do not think that religion and logic are mutually exclusive, dang) And when it comes to politics-I really don't care enough to argue. Because anyone who is willing to try to out-argue me (he-he) isn't going to have their mind changed by my opinion-so I don't see the point.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.-Mark Twain


Shit! Did I end on a down-note? eh, go look at the Star Wars/Trek crossover again and try to figure out what William Shatner might be saying, then you'll giggle again.

Cheese!
MDragon

Yes, I can be a ditz

So between the picture I just posted and a brain fart while posting a comment on Christina's blog I was reminded of a story. (and this does slightly involve my hubby, so I hope he won't mind)

So Rich had just finished a major undertaking. Ya know, one of those things that you really were hoping you could spend your life without. But sometimes life just sucks and you gotta go through it anyway (that reminds me-the registration on the car that isn't working is coming due, ugh.) And anyway, there we were in the van driving away, relieved that everything had gone as planned. On the left side of the road was an open field and to our right was a low grassy ridge separating the road from the parking lots. Rich was driving and I felt the need to tell him how proud I was of what he had just gone through. It went something like:

"Babe, I just need to tell you how proud I am of you right now. I know that it wasn't easy, and that you hated the people you were with but now KITTY! (Look brightly at mystified husband) Pretty Kitty!"

Yup, sitting on the little hill on my side of the car was a young cream colored cat with chocolate points. I still can remember it quite well, wondering where it had come from, since it was too well bred to be feral.

I turned back to my husband with a big smile, and slowly reality dawned. I had been RIGHT in the MIDDLE of telling him something important to both of us, when my mind had suddenly decided to do the equivalent of stripping down and running naked through the sprinklers. Now I'll ask you what you would have done in that situation? When you suddenly realize that the sprinklers you've been running through are situated directly between a television news studio, and a courthouse. . . For me, the only option was, Laugh. Anytime I find myself embarrassed over something stupid I've done or said (as long as it doesn't' Really Hurt) I try to be the first one to laugh.

At first, Rich was not so amused. But I started apologizing my ass off and laughing the whole time about how AMAZINGLY stupid that was. It was like my brain had gone into the back room just in time for the baby to get into the pudding and unroll the toilet paper all at once. The Brain knows that something bad has happened, but has NO IDEA how it came about.

I just feel lucky that his sense of humor won out and I wasn't given the silent treatment for the next few days. Instead it is a perfect example of how my brain is kinda like Velma on Scooby Doo. She was always right there, until you turned around-and then she was gone. Through a trap door, or revolving wall. But just gone until she found her way back into the story again. Yup that's my brain-Velma.

Ph34r teh Cut3 Ones

What more can I say?


Wooohoo! It only took me about six trys to get it up as my profile pix! I'd do a little dance, but I'm at work and I think that they'd dissaprove.

Cheese!

ZEN SARCASM

TokayTessie sent me this one.



1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Stop and Think

Just stop and think about it for a second, or two.

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.-Buddha


Just think.

Hurricane Help

So I know that most of us are Super Lazy when it comes to donating. It's not like we don't want to, or are greedy (most of the time) It's more like we just don't want to take the time to do it. But I have found an answer. Your Local Coinstar machine.

Apparently you can donate money to a number of different charities, including the Red Cross, through most of the machines you'll find in your local grocery store. And Coinstar doesn't charge a fee, so 100% of the donation goes to the charity. According to the Red Cross, if just HALF of the people living within 2 miles of a coinstar machine would donate $1 it would raise more than $65 Million dollars, now thats a lot of pennies. Not all of the stores allow donations on their property though so at the bottom of this post is a link to the Coinstar website. It can tell you the location of the Machines, if they accept donations, and to which charities. In Lodi, Raley's, Albertson's, and Save Mart all accept donations at their machines. I mean, if you just took a few seconds to dump your change in as you left the grocery store how much would you have donated by the end of the month?

There are no politics involved in this tragedy, just people. So empty your couch and look under the floormats of the car. Even I can spare a dollar in loose change for someone who has lost everything.

What to do when Chased by a Monster

I love webcomics. It's great to have something that updates daily (or less often) that actually reflects your tastes. I still read most newspaper comics when I get the chance, but I enjoy being able to read my favorites and skip over the rest. And when it comes to webcomics there are hundreds to choose from. Some are wonderful works of art, some are funny, others have plot lines up the wazoo. Some are shit. There was one that I read, went through the archives, kept up-to-date with it for a few months. I mean after all it was a fairly new comic and the summary the author had written outlining where they planned to take the story got me interested. . .But it sucked in so many ways (art, character development, actually having a point, art) that I stopped reading it. I almost feel bad, leaving it behind like that, but I have so many others that have, I don't know. . . Value.

Speaking of. . .Today's posting of "Commissioned" struck me in a wonderful way. "What to do when chased by a Monster" My Husband and I like watching Thrillers and the occasional Horror movie, but we are always left feeling like there could have been more. They so often suffer from bad acting it's true, and often special effects that look like they were developed on the "Special" Bus (if you get my drift) But it seems to me that the most rediculous thing is when you feel the need to yell at the character-or say to the person sitting next to you, some thing like: "NO!! don't go in there! What are you a f&*#ing MORON! Doesn't the BLOODY HANDPRINT on the door give you a hint???? Why didn't you just leave and not come back after you found the cat nailed to the wall and "GET OUT spelled out in it's entrails??" You might like to think that the character is smart because they figured out the cause and how to stop it. . . but wouldn't a really smart person have said "F*#% this Shit" and left after the first 20 minutes?

That said, We were lucky enough to be invited over to watch Movies with the Oglethorpes last night (did I spell that right?) "Shawn of the Dead" was much more fun for me the second time around-both because I could understand it better, and because these people are not stingy with the laughter. And I think there was only one moment where I really wanted to grab a character by the hair and ask"what is wrong with your brain?" Though I admit the "Zombies" from "28 Days Later" are my favorites. They run after you like starving hyenas that are going to eat the flesh off your arm like corn off a cob.

Anyway Commissioned today is about the stupid behaviors exhibited in horror movies. And if you do go take a look at the rant-after all, it did inspire me to ramble for this long on my own.

And thank you to everyone for inviting us last night, and especially to Christina for giving me that copy of the Avenue Q Soundtrack (and Tony for copying it!)

Cheese!
MDragon

You can dance if you want to

Unless you're a Nun. Here she is, the infamous trollop of a Sister who had the audacity to DANCE onstage at a festival. Now come-on! I know that she is about to straddle this man at the hips-but look at the girl's legs. I bet they haven't see the light of day in years. I mean the entire outfit just screams "Ready For Sin" doesn't it? I know nothing turns my husband on like Army-green hiking boots. Somebody needs to give Mother Superior a copy of "Sister Act".

Stolen!

Someone has stolen the Ruby Slippers! Really, one of four pairs that Judy Garland wore in "The Wizard of OZ" has been stolen. Not the pair that was in the Smithsonian-I'd like to see somebody break in there. . . I mean in the sense that it would be very difficult, not that I want to see such a valuable resourse plundered. After all, I want to go back someday. Ya know, when there isn't evil chaperones breathing down your neck, and stupid roommates who don't share your intrests and can't be bothered with what you want to see. I'd have a lot more fun now. I guess it's just one more thing to do, someday, when I have money.

And boy is my tounge tired!

Ya know, most people throw their popsicle sticks away when they're done with them. Who first said "I'm gonna save a whole bunch of these little guys and then glue them together into a boat that I can sail around in"? Better yet, who decided that this was the kind of title you wanted to compete for: "Biggest Boat made out of Popsicle Sticks" 15 MILLION to be exact... Thats a lot of funny colored tounges.

I...am...a penis

Apparently this nice man. . . is a penis. (I don't know that this outfit is really saying "Penis", but I guess that just my opinion) Being so inspired by a hebrew-language version of "The Vagina Monolouges" that he has written his own version: "The Holy Phallus". Someone thinks an awful lot of himself.

Got Tissue?

When is it NOT allergy season?

I know that I've had some badddd days. Where it seems like I might as well sit with a bucket under my nose and just give up. But I'm afraid nothing could convince me that this is a good idea. Although it might be fun if you were TPing a house.

MDragon

Because I Love Jokes, But Can't Tell Them Worth Sh*t

The Nuns Enter Heaven

Three nuns died and visited St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter said he would admit them if they each answer one question.

He turned to the first nun and asked, "Who was the first man?"

"Adam," the nun confidently replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang as the gates swung open and she walked into heaven.

St. Peter turned to the second nun. "Who was the first woman?""Eve," she replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang.

Then St. Peter turned to the last nun. "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

The nun paused for a moment. "Gee, that's a hard one!"

The trumpets sounded and the angels sang.

Ya Learn Something New Every Day

Yup ya do. Like, for instance, at approximately 1 am Wednesday morning I learned that staples and fingers don't mix. My husband seems to think that I don't like pain. I don't know what gave him that idea, maybe it was the shriek that I let out when it happened. Or it could have been the wild dance I was doing to the rythmn of a string of hysterical profanity. Actually I think he said it was the fact that I stayed extremly pissed-off until I fell asleep. I can't figure out how you return to a good mood when it feels like everything from the wrist down is throbbing (which according to the man who injures himself regularly is typical of hitting bone-ugh) Yup, futher confirmation that I never want to break a bone.

It also made me feel really good about Rich going into the nursing program. I took one look at the piece of metal sticking out of my finger-I still can't figure out how it got there- and my mind shut off. I'd like to think that it would have turned back on in time to prevent myself from beating my hand against the counter of the Music Box in a blind panic to get it out, but I'm not so sure-whatever I did it wouldn't have been good. Luckily the master of physical misfortune was there to gently take my hand and pull the staple out. I can't believe that I was sane enough to register that he did an excellent job pulling it out without yanking at an angle, and that it could have hurt a whole lot more. He'll be great at giving shots whith minimum pain.

Just for review: Finger + Staple = Pain. Got that?

MDragon

I'm Smart! yup I am!

But apparently I am incapable of using this . . . Thingy. (How's that for Verbal Intelligence? Ha!)

Your IQ Is 125

Your Logical Intelligence is Above AverageYour Verbal Intelligence is GeniusYour Mathematical Intelligence is GeniusYour General Knowledge is Exceptional

Quick and Dirty IQ Test

Bye Pig I gotta go Now!

After seening Shanda's post/pig I did one too. I don't draw things on the computer very often so. . . here are my results: (but don't look/read if ya want to do it- go do it first)


Toward the middle, you are a realist.

Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful. (though I may be: With few details, you are emotional and naive, they care little for details and are a risk-taker. I don't know)

With 4 legs showing, they are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals.

The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.The bigger the better. You drew medium sized ears, you are a good listener

The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life.And again more is better! You drew medium sized tail

Quiz- Yup, I feel kinda silly

I havn’t done one of these in years- the last two were the hardest.


Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1. Live in Hawaii
2. Learn how to ride a horse that’s going faster than a walk
3. Grow an herb garden
4. Own my own home
5. Get a motorcycle license
6. Have a child
7. Visit the Grecian Islands

Seven things I can do:
1. Sing
2. Knit a scarf
3. Cook anything I’ve attempted
4. A Cartwheel
5. Smile
6. Balance A Checkbook
7. Beat my little brother at most puzzle video games

Seven things I can’t do:
1. Sew
2. Use nail polish properly
3. Touch my toes
4. A Round-off
5. Whistle the Andy Griffith Theme without laughing if there is harmony involved
6. Beat my little brother at any other type of video game
7. Find value in myself

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. Shoulders
2. Eyes
3. Intelligence
4. Sense of humor
5. Smile
6. Respect
7. Attitude

Seven things you say most:
1. Um
2. Yeah
3. Ok
4. So, I was . . .
5. Could you . . .
6. Should I . . .
7. Oh, Shitmonkeys/Cheesemonkeys

Seven celebrity crushes
1. Brad Pitt (Meet Joe Black- How can you not love him after the peanut butter?)
2. Yul Brenner
3. Jason Scott Lee
4. Brendan Fraser
5. Johnny Depp
6. Ken Watanabe
7. Tamahome, from Fushigi Yugi (I don’t care if it is a cartoon-it still made me cry at the end)

Seven people you’d like to take this quiz
1. Rich
2. Lacey
3. the Dog
4. Brian
5. Kenny
6. Aunt Terry
7. Marty

Church Joke (funny-even if you don't like church)

How Much is a Sermon Worth?

One beautiful Sunday morning, a minister announced to his congregation: "My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons... a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour. Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver."

Everybody Dance!

The saddest thing it that I maybe the only one who thinks of "Waiting for Guffman" when I read that line. I think that this was sent to me by my good friend Brian, but I'm not completely sure. So Check out the link below called "How to Dance Properly" It's always fun to watch people make fools of themselves, Right?

Of Course Right!

MDragon

Ain't it the Truth

If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.

-Mary Pickford

I really do have things to do

It's actually getting quite late for me to still be sitting here doing this. I mean I really do have a lotta stuff that needs to get done this weekend. I have to go spend too much money at Delta's Bookstore first, and then Go do a buncha bookwork at the Music Box. So incredibly not looking forward to that.

To explain Agustus Gloop (who will be there after I get his pix off of the other computer I use) We saw the new Movie a couple of weeks ago, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. The music was fun, no big deal. Then last week we went to see Skeleton Key (which was alot better than I expected) and while we were waiting for the movie to start They payed two songs from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory-one of which was the Agustus Gloop song. Well that combined with the fact that we started rehersal for "It Must be Love" and Hugo sings it everyday has led to a continuous loop of the four lines I know going through my head for the last week. At least I'm not doing the dance.

And a huge thanks to the Walrus who told me how to adjust the links on the side bar. Go check them out, unless your one of those stuck-up snobs who is too good for comics. If you have one that you read-please tell me! After all there isn't too much time added to checking for updates after you've finished the archives. Or if you're intrested but don't share my tastes, check out the directory. I've found it to be easier to use and more comprehensive than other online comic sites.

So much for making this a really short post

Cheese!
MDragon

What Have I Done!!

Ackk!

What was I thinking! I sent out an email telling a buncha people about this stupid site. What'll I do to keep them entertained????? I know, baby animals, thats it. . .(really its the only thing I have an hand on short notice)
But who doesn't like a baby that could run you down and hamstring you. . .at least if you're as terrible at running as I am.

Cheese!
MDragon

I think I seen. . .

Looks Like Dumbo lost his magic feather again.

So who really needs rest on the weekends?

So I have spent the week in a half-asleep haze. Which is funny since I could have sworn that I got enough sleep. But anyway Friday night after work I got to rush home and pick up my husband to get him to the theater in time for call. But I pretty much got in the way 'till I was able to mooch the most uncomfortable chair ever to watch the show. If you are unaware the show I speak of is "Picasso at the Lapin Agile". They've done a beautiful job remodeling what is now known as the Empire Theater. I hope that at some point I get to have a chance to perform there. My husband did a wonderful job playing a flouncing "gay" man. Christina was terrific, and I can't figure out why she keeps asking Jaye if he washed everything-I can't imagine there's anything dirty left on stage at the end of the show. Seriously- she made a great deal out of what could have been a so-so character. And I adored Anna's costumes, especially the skirt she made for Annie. I enjoyed watching it very much and if anyone I didn't mention wants me to mention them all they have to do is ask. I'll also make fun of anyone if you ask. Have to be Equal Opportunity ya know.

I got to spend the first part of Saturday at the music box. I was reminded of why I was so desperate to get out of there. Not to say that I hate them or anything, but shit! I can't believe what I used to try to work with. And just Grrrrrr!! Then on to Kiley's for the closing of Twelve Angry Men. And being the last night there was a large number of breaks for various reasons. But it was a fun night and Everybody hung out for a while. It's always fun to do that with a group in which there are new stories to be told. Like Harry and Mike on stage in baby buggies trying to make each other break.

I'm really looking forward to staring rehearsal for "It Must Be Love" on Monday. Hubby is getting a little burnt out, but that's understandable at this point. I just think that it'll be lotsa fun working with both Rich and Hugo on another show. They seem to get along really well after sitting next to each other in "Men". I think I'm going to enjoy this show a lot more than I did the last one, Through no fault of the show. Just life.

Tomorrow then.
MDragon

Seriously, when I spell-checked I had written "Panny Fack"

I don’t think of myself as fat. But I do try to be somewhat realistic. I know that I am overweight and have developed a certain amount of flab. But I am also certain that it is my own fault. Granted I came from a clean-your-plate home, and most of my female family members are of a curvaceous nature. But I really wish that I had gotten into the habit of exercising when my metabolism was more active. Through high school I wore the same size pants and could eat more than most grown men. I don’t know a serving size that wasn’t at least doubled in our house. I briefly joined a gym in college, and I used it for a time. But it got to be kinda lonely and boring. There were never any classes in the middle of the day when I could take them- So I was just stuck doing the same boring machine rotation every time. And I did challenge myself. I got back to being able to do a twelve minute mile.

Ugh, before I do that again I want an ipod shuffle. It’s not like I need a huge amount of space. And anything much bigger you have to make arrangements for. I admit that when I used to use the treadmill I wore a fanny pack for my cd player. If the damn thing wasn’t placed in just the right spot it would spend more time skipping than playing. From what I understand mp3s don’t skip. Buy I need something, because thinking about exercising and the way my body feels is the absolute last way to keep me motivated. I’m tired, and no-one reads this anyway,

Don’t you just love that feeling. When you wake up in the morning and sometime in the night all of the covers have come loose from the bed. and at some point in your sleep you made a comfortable little nest for yourself, with crumpled bedclothes cocooning you. . .snuggle

I saw a couple of birds attending their nest today. Very calming.

Sleeping Cat Mountian

Hey Cool! I attached a picture!

I'm so happy. . . yup. . .nothing else.

What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?

NOOOOO! Great mounds of Irritatation!! Somewhere between the writing and publishing of this entry it has dissapeared. I am not rewriting the whole thing, it was just rambling about jingles getting stuck in your head and how much I wanted sugar.
CRAPPIT!

Riiiiiight

So this is my space to say anything right?

I just think that it's bizzare to see some one walk into another person's cubicle when they're gone for the sole purpose of using the box of Kleenex. (Esp when the nose-blower is the person is charge of office supplies)

It just strikes me as weird.

MDragon

Morning

Last night was terrible. Stunk. Really shitty. Basicaly the only time I'm inspired to write the jibberish I call poetry. Love it or hate it, or don't even read it.



The One-Way Mirror

There is no moon tonight
only the stench of
self-fulfilling prophesy

On the edge of a
piece of broken gless
dance a hundred dreams,
a thousand nightmares

The heart reaches out
like a python
Strangling what it needs
to survive

You look into the girl's eyes
as she is pinned to the floor.
Why doesn't she yell?
Why doesn't she even try?

Somehow I am convinced
even the ugliest person
can be made beautiful
with wings

How many times do you look
and see the same thing
but dream
that there is a difference

Why do you let her wear that?
You know it's not good
how sadistic
is your friendship

Why does the no-shit person
end up ignored
when people say
they can't stand all the bullshit

Sorry, I forgot my shovel
Kiss my ass

For a person who doesn't want war
you are very happy
to make a private war
with anyone who disagrees

I am tired of dancing for pennies
I want to shine
in Gold

How shallow
to be in love
'till she's fat
Gay guys still love ya though

I arm wrestled
a mongoose once
It was very akward
just like that word, akward

I want to curl up in a corner
like a cat
or some other
Slinky, boneless animal

My head is pounding,
will someone please
tell them to go away.
I don't do food drives

Sleepy,
Wonder if anyone
ever drowned
in drool
-I sleep
on my stomach.


MDragon