DragonSong

Questions for today

2011-03-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for keeping your temper under control. My problem is that I seem to have a wealth of things that are bound and determined to run their fingernails down the chalkboard of my brain.

Why doesn't the 4 year old want to eat the food *I* make?
Why doesn't my grandmother realize that her senses are not what they used to be?
Why does the 2 yr old insist on constantly being underfoot? (literally)
Why do people take that inch you were kind enough to give them and run for the horizon?
Why is it so hard to admit that even when someone isn't doing it the way you want it, it's still good. (maybe better)

Now I must escape the office with the leaky roof and reeking carpet.

Cheese!

Sneaky inspiration

2011-03-12T15:19:00.000-08:00

The show has officially started. I survived hell week - barely. We had a great show for the preview performance, even if the audience could have been better. And Last night's show was awesome! Mostly because the audience was awesome. I wish more people understood just how much of an effect the audience has on the show. To have them laugh, applaude and just react to what you're doing. Letting you know that what you're trying to convey has been effective is a wonderful boost.

There is something amazing in hearing a swell in the applause when you go to take your bow at the end of the show when you know that there isn't one person in the audience who came to see you personally.

I just discovered Operationbeautiful.com and am so excited about putting up my own note in the makeup room at the theater tonight. :) Being in a show with so many teenage girls reminds me of just how ridiculous the body-image of a teenager can be. They are GORGEOUS! and yet every night as we are getting into costume you can hear them calling themselves fat and ugly. I'm going to stick it up in one of the mirrors by the director's station where most of the cast ends up at some point. I'm looking forward to seeing the reaction and think I'll probably put a new one up for each performance in a different spot everytime. I don't really have the money to do gifts. Maybe I can do some sort of little gift bag like one of the girls did for the opening. But I've been more of a closing gift person anyway :) Still I'm going to try to take a picture of each one and maybe write a post on it too.

Anyway
Cheese.

Love Stinks

2011-02-21T12:36:00.000-08:00

It's been a bad morning. The upside is that I've gotten some crying done. It probably sounds weird but I haven't don't nearly enough since he left the house. I just feel numb, like I'm trying to feel through a heavy layer of scar tissue. I hate still being in love with someone who did SO MANY things knowing full well that I would be hurt by his actions and honestly I don't give the slightest fucking damn that he's an addict anymore. He still made the decisions with full knowledge of the reprocussions. I love him and I hate him. I hate myself for not leaving him earlier. For trusting him over and over again. For not listening to warnings from people who knew him better. For being young and naive and thinking that love could be enough. I love being a mommy, but I hate being a single mother. I hate that the kids don't even have a grandparent that they can count on. I hate that I've lost my best friend, and the only other person who even comes close is understandably wrapped up in terrible health issues. I'm so tired and this toothache is making everything completely miserable to top it off.

Today can't end soon enough.

Cheese

Clean up on Asile 3!

2011-02-18T16:57:00.000-08:00

There are moments in life that you wish you could preserve. Keep them on a shelf in an acrylic display box like your own private trophy to remind you of a moment of triumph. Not everyone else would really understand why it's there, but for you it's beautiful.

My little guy who'll be turning 2 next month gave me one of those moments. He'd somehow triggered the water dispenser on the fridge and was crying more out of startlement than anything else. I had my hands in dinner so I gave him a quick once-over and told him he was fine before going back to what I was doing. Before I could finish and move on to cleaning up the small puddle the little guy got into the drawer with the towels and toddled over to wipe it up himself.

Talk about bringing tears to the eyes of a stressed out mommy. You never have a camera on hand when you REALLY need it. Better yet I wish I had it as a gif file that I could just have playing in the corner of my screen at all times. Just a sweet little boy forever bent over and flailing away at the puddle he'd made. *sigh*

Cheese

Hello again

2011-02-15T15:08:00.000-08:00

So, I've been around since I last did any posting. Both on the internet and off. I've thought on more than one occasion that "I miss my blog" or "maybe I should start a new blog", there was even a "I wonder if my blog is still there, or if it's just crumbled from disuse?" There's much going on at this point in my life that I don't even know where to begin. I think before I do any serious posting I go back and at least skim over what I'd written in the past. That, and I need to find someone to watch the boys while I'm at rehersal tonight. :P It really sucks not to have a Mom to blackmail into watching her Grandkids when in a tight spot the way my Mom did.

Cheese!

Party!

2007-05-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

The little guy had a great time last night at the Chase BBQ! He danced, flirted, ate, drank some formula, and then refused to go to sleep until he was in the car. He didn't wake up till 8:30 this morning. And lucky him, so far it seems that he has Daddy's natural mosquito repellant. I on the other hand managed to get 12 bites before Bea and Rob took pity on me and found me a jacket and bug-be-gone. We're going to go camping next weekend, and I'm going to go invest in the wipes she gave me to use. I've always hated the sprays, and the lotions don't seem to work. But just one wipe got all my exposed skin covered in the citronella scented repellant. It sayed oily for quite a while, but I found it kind of soothing on the bites I already had. I wonder if they make a kid/baby version?

Daddy and I also had a lot of fun. I love seeing hubby enjoy himself like this. If you had told him two years ago that he could have this much fun without drinking he wouldn't believe you.

Cheese!

And Again

2007-05-18T13:13:00.000-07:00

Kid: (to Rick) Oh, you do lessons? What's your name?

Rick: Rick

Kid: Are you Tom?

......

I'm sick to death of being so stressed all of the time. Why can't anyone just give me an answer (preferably a good one) so that I can move on to dealing with it? If someone doesn't figure it out soon I will probably start tearing muscles in my jaw again. Well, I guess going on a soft diet for 6 weeks to let them heal would help me lose weight.

Why is it that no matter how many people say "Call me anytime you need to talk" when you actually do really need someone to talk to no-one is available?

Seriously

2007-04-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

We just got a call from a kid about some replacement parts for a strat.

Rick: So, is this an american strat?

Kid: Yeah, it says right here "Made in Indonesia"

really.

My Big Boy!

2007-03-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

6 Days Old

3 Months Old

6 Months Old!

Kiddo is 6 Months old today! Woohoo!

I'm hoping that Antonella leaves tonight, but the H-Male factor is going to be higher than ever even if she's beaten two songs with a knobbly stick. On the other hand Melinda looked and sounded like a professional singing "My Funny Valentine"-which is a song I've never been crazy about. But these two girls show the difference between beating a song into submission and owning it. And, except for Gina, I could punt any of the white girls out without feeling bad. Though they really do need online voting. The network says it would be too difficult, but it worked for Rockstar and Dancing with the Stars. . .I'm thinking it has more to do with sponserships.

Yay for results shows!

Cheese!

Eating with the idols

2007-02-28T15:45:00.000-08:00

Little guy is eating everything we put in front of him, except his captopril. The pharmacy tech who mixed it was a lazy a** and made it as a water solution instead of sugar. Hubby didn't want to wait another hour and a half for the guy to do it so he just took it. Personally I would have waited, but then I was the only one who had to give him this form of meds before. It only took one try for him to figure out why I was upset. They told me that I could mix it into other things to make it taste better but the kid isn't fooled. suckage. But he's chowing down on bananas and sweet potatos. He had no intrest in rice cereal before, but he kept trying to get into other people's food. So I gave him a little bit of a banana I was eating. For whatever reason he likes the rice now that he's tried other things. But I don't feel like he's nursing any less. We feed him gooshy food until he's done, and then he nurses like he hadn't eaten at all. I'm hoping that he's gaining wait a little better because of it. Last month he'd finally hit 13 pounds. Right now he's giving me a big ol' smile every time I look down.

Breathing on his own again.

He may not have been smiling yet, but you could tell he was excited to see us.

Right after we found out that we were going home without the NG.

Sixteen days post-surgery

So hubby was right, Antonella made it through American Idol last week on the horny male vote. And who knows how Sundance survived. Last night though, he did much better. Though someone needs to give the guy a copy of "The Commitments". Mustang Sally sounds pale every time I hear someone else do it now. After last night I would get rid of any of three guys, AJ, Nick, or Brandon. Nick's "Fever" was bland. Brandon's "Time After Time" was pretty boring and he makes me want to clear my throat, it sounds like he's got a cotton-ball soaked in cranberry juice stuffed in there. And AJ, didn't have the growl or the soul to pull off "Feelin' Good". I know the judges liked him, but I didn't. I liked Sanjaya, but if he makes it through this week maybe he should ask Chris S. to help him make a smarter song choice. Overall the guys did much better this week

I'm not going to bother reading the reviews posted on Yahoo by "Television Without Pity" anymore. I don't think the guy knows enough about music to fill a mixtape. And I don't think that he's capable of being objective. Though he is right about Phil being similar to Magni from Rockstar:Supernova. I'll stick with the MSNBC site from now on.

On to the girls!

He'll always be my # 1

2007-02-22T10:59:00.000-08:00

I've actually got lots of post-surgery pictures, but I don't think that I'll post most of them.

It's hard to tell in these pictures, but they had to leave his chest open for a few days after surgery. The white-ish thing was a thin plastic sheet that went down into the wound to protect it. I was really glad that they put the opaque mask there, because it was disturbing enough to be able to see his heart moving that clearly without actually being able to see it. Then over the top was that yellow-ish film thingy keeping every nice and sterile, and I think the second sheet lower down on his chest was to keep his ribs from spreading too far. The swelling never got too bad but there was enough room to put my pinky under the second film into his chest.

This was after they closed his chest for the first time. But he did so well that they opened him to remove an assisting device later that day. The little guy kept fighting the sedation and trying to breathe on his own.

It's funny how much I couldn't wait to hear him cry again.

There are times when I'm frustrated with him, and it's good for me to remember that.

On a lighter note, I fell asleep when I got home last night and missed the first twenty-something minutes of AI. But the girls were sooo much better than the guys. Only one girl did badly enough that I would be surprised to see her make it through. And there were at least five that I want to hear again. But I'm confused as to how many people will be leaving tonight. 6? 4? 2? of each? Total? I dunno, guess it doesn't really matter.

I need to get to work. I'd be able to do this at home if I could just get someone to put the desk together.

Cheese!

I wanna sit in a coke-bottle lounge too.

2007-02-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

I've actually been watching American Idol this time. Before I'd only watched a few episodes, and last season I actually kept up with the post-show reviews online. But while I was nearing the end of my pregnancy we got hooked on Rockstar:Supernova. Hubby and I had a great time listening and giving our opinions every week. So we've either been watching this together, or I've been taping it so he can watch it later. (except these last two weeks, moving, no VCR) So last night they had the 12 guys sing. I figure Sundance and the first guy to sing are gone, and I hope that the beatboxer, funny Chris with the fuzzy hair, and the guy who missed his daughter being born make it. Other than that I dunno, I thought that the judges were hard on the indian kid - but then I don't know the song he was trying to sing.

I'm looking forward to the girls tonight. The only problem is that I'm super-tired and don't feel that great. The boy is teething I think. But he is showing more enthusiasm for eating bananas. I just wish he didn't like them so ripe.

I should be working.

Cheese

Asleep in grandpa's arms on Halloween. The day before we took him into the doctor's for the "Well-Baby Visit of DOOM!"

The day/night before surgery. They had to tape the arm with the IV to a board so he wouldn't yank it out.

These super-cute pix were my favorites when I had to pump every three hours. I've now used both and I can say that I like my hand-pump better than the electric one at the hospital and RMH. Of course when my super-sweet hubby brought to to SF he forgot to bring any bottles to pump into so I was stuck for two weeks. But I now undersand why so many pumps have some sort of picture frame attached. It really does make a difference.

OOops!

2007-02-20T16:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's been a while. But I'm back at work pretty much full time now. We are almost done moving out of the apartment into a BIG house and the boy is doing great! I just wanted to try putting up some pictures now that I finally hooked my camera up to a computer.

These were taken when he was two days old. I'll put up more if these work.

Cheese

typing one-handed

2006-11-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

quick update:

We would have been able to leave before the holiday weekend but not eating for a week messed up the little guy's eating habits. So we were almost sent home with a feeding tube. Close enough that that they made me practice putting it in and checking placement. Not fun, but it is easier to do on a baby than an adult.

So, we've been back home for a week. (ya know, that place without internet access) As of today he's 10 lbs. that's just one ounce short of where he was when this whole mess started. The cardiologist said everything looks good and took him off of the lasix, but he's going to have to keep taking the captopril and digoxin for an undetermined amount of time. Maybe forever. That's OK with me, having to give him meds three times a day is do-able. His scar is just a red line down his chest (Dad says that for the rest of his life he'll always be "#1") and the bruising around it is almost gone.

Now if he'd only say amused by his mobile long enough for mom to get some work done. one handed typing is tedious.

cheese!

chuggin' along

2006-11-10T07:59:00.000-08:00

As of last night things are still going really well. The day after he started eating the nurses let me breastfeed him again. It was a very scary thing to hold him again when he looks so broken in the middle. But by the second feeding he was back to laying on his side without a problem. The problem, was, that after I left he wasn't eating from a bottle well so while dad and I were gone for the night they put in a NasoGastric tube to feed him. (they did call us to let us know they were doing it) And yesterday when I got in there and tried to feed him again he would eat for a little bit, but then he would just lay there and cry. The nurse told me "sometimes babies just cry" but He just doesn't do that. In the two months I had him he only ever cried for a reason. Sometimes he just wanted to be held, but if your holding him and he's still crying there's a problem. After a bit he coughed up a whole bunch of frothy white mucus. The nurse said "Oh, he just needed to cough something up." Duh. The thing that irritated me was that she didn't listen when I told her that something was wrong. Clearing his lungs was something she couldn't have helped with but she could have listened to me instead of totally discounting what I said. I was probably a touch irritable too from trying to sleep in a chair at the baby's bedside again. I'm not going to to let myself be bullied into that again though. They have plenty of milk in the freezer.

Anyway, they pulled out the arterial line, and both of the remaining drains. And shortly before we transfered him out of the PCICU someone suggested that he might be irritated by the NG tube. So I got them to agree to pull out the tube after they ran a feeding into his stomach so that the next time I could try to get him back on the boob without the tube running down the back of his throat. So Last night he ate beautifully with the tube gone, and I'm hoping that he ate enough from the bottle last night that they didn't put it back in. So with that tube gone the only thing left in him is the PIC line that won't come out till they discharge him. Fine by me sine it allows access both ways and they won't have to stick him again. The poor kid has Mommy's skin and veins.

So in this ward they are going to be concentrating on getting him ready to go home. The main thing that they'll be looking for is how well he's eating. He has to be putting on weight again before he can leave. When this all started he weighed 10 lbs 1 oz, last night he weighed in at 9 lbs 7 oz. Not too bad considering that's he's barely eaten in the last week. We might go home as early as monday, but it'll probably be a little bit longer.

One more cool thing about living at RMH is all of the donations we get. From all of the day-olds at the closest starbucks (including chocolate croissants and cream cheese muffins) to free services from the local businesses. The closest salon offers free haircuts to residents. So I took advantage of it and got a haircut that I really like. I need to take a shower though, and I don't currently have access to a hairdryer so I'm a little sad. When I told all that to the night nurse she asked which salon it was. According to her haircuts there cost "a fortune". So I got the most expensive haircut of my life for free. Cool.

More news later.

Today was a great day

2006-11-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday wasn't bad either.

Hubby had gone home the night before to be able to go to class in the morning so my cousin came back up to keep me occupied. By the time we got to the hospital they had removed his catheter and the rectal temperature probe. And two or three lines that were going into various limbs. They put in a PIC line that would eventually replace one of the lines that were going directly into his heart. And they were letting him wake up more.

This morning when they were doing rounds they decided to go ahead and remove all three atrial lines one at a time so that they would be able to let him off of the sedation. When we arrived they had already removed the Left one, and after a bit we decided that we would head back to RMH to shower/shave/eat. They said that they were going to remove the two going to the right atrium and then give him time to wake up from the sedation. So they didn't expect to be taking him off of the respirator for a few hours. An hour and a half later I'm in the shower and they call to say they're about to extibate (is that how you spell that?) Little butt is breathing on his own and ate two ounces of breast milk from a bottle before zonking out. We were so happy we smiled all of the way back to the House, despite the crazy woman cursing on the shuttle.

Gotta go, Southwest Airlines is serving an early thanksgiving dinner at any moment, and we have a whole lot to be thankful for.

Thank God for McDonald's

2006-11-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

I'll probably start posting very frequently with updates since I now have internet access in the sitting area 20' away from my front door.

Right now I'll just give the short, short version of what's been going on:

September 1st: Had the most beautiful baby boy EVER by emergency c-section. 6lbs 1.4oz 18.5 in. The perfect picture of health was a wiz at breastfeeding and was only held back by the bedridden mess he knows as "Mommy".

November 1st: We went to the two month well-baby vist. First the doctor noticed a high breath rate, then I mentioned that his feeding was a little off since sunday, THEN she heard a murmur. Tests were done at our home kaiser office and they found that he had an enlarged heart that was basically causing congestive heart failure. CHF! In my georgous, happy, two month old baby! They were unable to find the reason and I ended up in two different ambulances with my baby until we were in the PCICU at UCSF. Luckily we have an amazing cardiologist here who found the problem right away. The found a "Misplaced Coronary Artery" (officially, abbreviated something like ALPACA, or ALCAPA) on the 2nd. Surgery on the 3rd, and today they closed his chest. The staff at the hospital is amazing, and they're always using the word "great" to describe how he's doing.

I'll try to expand more later, but right now I'm just trying to stay awake till my laundry is done.

My baby is "great" and the Social Worker at the hospital is a blessing.

She found Hubby and I a place at the SF Ronald McDonald house. It has everything we could need. We have an "apartment" with it's own bathroom and a big walk-in closet. There is plenty of food in this amazing, huge kitchen, and there is also reserved fridge and cupboard space for room. And other groups come by and make meals for the residents a few times a week. They have big washers and dryers in the basement (and 35cent cans of Coke...in San Francisco!!) There are electric breast pumps on each floor just like the ones at the hospital. Books, magazines, internet access.

And as long as he's in the hospital we can stay here. . .for free.

Next time you go by McDonalds, please throw some change in that little clear box.

Almost forgot. My BIL brought his laptop this weekend and blogged about what was going on.
http://www.myspace.com/joesilvasr

g-night

I'm not insane, this is perfectly normal.

2006-08-07T12:03:00.000-07:00

Irritating a pregnant woman is like teasing a starving Lion by sticking your fingers through the bars. The only thing that will be surprising is how you ended up missing your whole arm.

I really should get a computer for the apartment before I'm arrested for maiming.

I'm irritable, and you're stupid. . . This can't be good.

2006-07-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just want to tell a customer: No, you just suck.

getting a better quality nylon string will not help you learn how to tie it better. There is no magic string stick-um that will appear. Buy a ball-end string or go back to the boy scouts. They might also be able to help you learn how to tie your shoes.

I find it amazing that people will look at a pick display for ten minutes. And THEN they can't seem to figure out how it works. It's a bunch of little drawers. I'm sure that these people have seen a drawer before. So can someone tell me why you would stare at the front (where the "handle" and specimen are) and then reach around to the back and try pushing out all of the upper drawers trying to find the one you want? Or why you would stare at something an inch from your hand and expect me to spend my time pulling them out so you can look at them. Saturday a kid asked me
"Do you have any of these?" (placing his finger ON the drawer)
"Better yet, you could pull it out and look yourself"

I suppose I could have been nicer, and granted, it's no longer 114 degrees outside. But it was still over a hundred, and here I am; entering my ninth month, obviously sweating and miserable, with feet that are swollen bigger than my calves propped up on the counter. Why yes! Mr. Thirteen-year-old-with-a-bad-haircut, let me just hop up and help you with this item worth a quarter! Nah, I figured it was better to remove myself from the situation before I lost total control and tried to stab him with a sharpie.

I'm also thinking about printing out a flyer to hand to kids who are dropped off by their parents to waste time. A car will stop in front of the store just long enough for a couple of kids to jump out, and sometimes you can even hear Mom yell: "I'll be back in two hours/when I'm done shopping/ when I can stand the sight of you!" Or maybe I should just make up a baby-sitting invoice. . .Here kid give this to your mom. Tell her she owes me forty bucks for making sure you stayed out of trouble for the last three hours.

It's too hot to be this pregnant.

Post #100! How to torture the hormonal woman.

2006-07-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive!

I know it's been almost 2 months, but I've been busy. We still haven't gotten any kind of internet connection at the apartment. And since I arrived back at the family music store we've gotten a new computer and switched over to DSL. I'll tell ya, it's reeeeeeally nice not to have to stop whatever I'm doing so that someone can use the phone or the credit card machine. But I still don't have the free time that I did at the last job to stay looking busy. Here I can actually find plenty of things to do.

I think I'll start making a list of rules for the music store as they come to mind. Starting with:

#1. If you can't tune the guitar, don't plug it in.
If you can't tell that it's off key, you won't get anything out of listening to it through an amp. (Willing to make exceptions for the Very Rare new player who wants to buy a signature Strat after only three months of lessons.)

I'm two months 'till my due date. That's a VERY scary thing. My ankles have dissapeared, I haven't worn a ring in weeks (except on a chain around my neck) I failed the first glucose test (by 4 flippin' points!) and had an abnormal draw ONCE on the fasting glucose test, so I'm going to have to go in and get a lecture on things I already know from the nutrition counselor. Luckily I'n normal enough they're not going to make me do daily testing and all of that crap. And can someone tell me, why, if they know they're going to have to draw blood four times in the next three hours, WHY can't you just put in an angiocath. When I asked the girl who was about to do the first stick I think she thought I was joking. Especially since she found a vein in my right arm without too much trouble. . . Yeah, that would be the one that everyone ends up using. But she was good at it, most phlebotomists can't catch my veins without a butterfly, or extreme discomfort. Left side was not nearly so easy. She alternated arms, and when she returned to the right for the the third stick, she actually said "You do have Other veins, Right?" ummm. . . not really. She ended up having to re-use the same veins with butterflies. I can't imagine what it would have been like with someone less capable, seeing as the fourth one felt like the average single stick. nrg. . .

Anyways

Cheese!

Please Stand By

2006-05-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

I might not be posting for a bit.

I'm leaving my current job to go back to the family business.

Still don't have the internet at home, and the store is currently between computers at the moment. That should change soon, but I need to better behave myself at work anyway.

So I can't tell you just how long I'll be, but in the meantime. . .

Go put a tack on the Boss's chair for me.

Death by Cute.

2006-05-03T14:21:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you are being crushed by waves of stupid and/or homicidal-hormones, the best thing to do is enjoy the cute.

My stomach, AKA: Audrey II

2006-05-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

*Feed Me*

For the most part my appetite is back to normal. Hungry somewhere around three times a day for a normal-sized meal.

Then, for no apparent reason. . .

*FEED ME*

I haven't been this bottom-less since high-school. A few days ago I was a little hungry. So I made my self a bagel with cream cheese and some grapes. By the time I was done it had become, Bagel with Cream Cheese, 2 BUNCHES of grapes, a frozen burrito, a bowl of ramen, and 6 warm chocolate-chip cookies. Luckily, I only become a garbage disposal every few days. But I have finally started to gain weight. And I remember why eating chocolate chip cookie dough is a waste of time. just wait 10 minutes and you have a warm gooey wonderful thing that is soooo much better than a blob of greasy dough with cold hard chips that could potentially carry an added bonus of salmonella.

My baby hasn't even been born yet and Hubby has already taught him an annoying habit. A few posts ago I mentioned that Hubby thought it would be funny to press on my very full bladder right before a sonogram. The baby followed suit when he was done and kicked it. Now, very often before I'm aware that there is anything in my bladder it is being kicked. Yesterday it felt like I was only feeling him move when he wanted me to use the restroom. This is not amusing.

Cheese!

Sonogram #3

2006-04-25T12:00:00.000-07:00

Profile at 21 Weeks. Yes! My baby has a brain!

Ok, these next two aren't showing up quite as nicely as the last one. But,

This sure LOOKS like a boy in this picture. What you are seeing are his knees and. . . well you are looking at a view from the bottom, so yeah, looks like a boy to me.

We've got a whole bunch more, but at the end, after being prodded around for a good ten minutes we got to watch our newly male baby rub it's eyes and yawn. Hubby just about wet himself, and the tech got a picture of the second one.

So, I now have a digital camera thanks to Hubby. It was the one thing I really wanted for my birthday (last Monday). I really prefer to be surprised by presents, but this was something that we were going to have to get soon anyway. I just haven't gotten around to reading most of the instruction manual, or sneaking it to work and doing some covert uploading. :)

For Hubby's B-day (Last Friday) I got him (with huge help from Dad) This Tascam 8-track digital recording mixing board thingy. . . Eh, I could probably think of the correct name for it but that would take more brain than I want to invest at the moment. He was BUGGING me about the 4-track version that records onto a regular cassette tape for WEEKS. To the point of asking me about it every day. He went into the store and made sure Dad knew what he wanted, so that I would get him the right thing. Dad surprised both of us by giving him the (much) nicer one. I still need to give him money-but that's an advantage to purchasing gifts at the family store- a very flexible payment plan :) So, to warn you, if you visit anytime in the next month Hubby will herd you into what has become the baby's room/recording studio. Though I must admit, the "World's Biggest Desk" almost works in there.

Cheese!

Wait. . . Strike that, Reverse it.

2006-04-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

Last night we had another sonogram.

Did you know that a baby is not officially "diagnosed" as female until 24 Weeks?

Our baby appears to have suffered a misdiagnosis.

'cause that SURE LOOKS like a scrotum now to me.

I think we just had a better tech this time. I think the last one saw that I was 17W 6D and blew us off. This one did the measurements and said. . ."What are you having?"
"They said it was a girl last time" She gets a funny look on her face. "Why? Does it not look like one now?"
"Well. . ." She turns the monitor so I can see and points "THAT sure looks like a boy to me"

When we brought Hubby in he just about choked on his tounge.

Serves him right. As we were about to go in he pressed on my stomach as a joke. NOT very funny considering that you are supposed to have your bladder as full as you can stand when getting this ultrasound. Better yet was this terrible feeling that followed. . . a couple of jabs of extreme pressure that were almost too much to hold. It took me a few seconds to realize that the baby was kicking my very full bladder. J o y .

I'll post more when I add the pictures - there are a lot, and only one that looks disturbingly skull-like. But it probably won't be till monday.

See you soon!

"I follow"

2006-04-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

Ha hA!! I even used a song as the title of the post!

I had my ipod in my purse! So I was able to take the Walrus's challenge! Actually it was pretty fun. Basically, choose a "band" and use their song titles to answer the questions.

Band: Audra McDonald

Are you male or female? Mistress of the Senator

Describe yourself. Any Place I Hang My Hat is Home

How do some people feel about you? A Tragic Story

How do you feel about yourself? See What I Wanna See

Describe your ex: Beat My Dog

Describe your current significant other: You Don't Know This Man/I Must Have That Man!

Describe where you want to be: Way Back to Paradise

Describe how you live: Ain't It The Truth?/Baby Moon

Describe how you love: More Than You Know

What would you ask for if you had just one wish? How Glory Goes

Share a few words of wisdom: I Double Dare You

Now say goodbye: Lay Down Your Head.

Wow, I really need to listen to these albums more often!

Hee! Cheese!

It's a. . . skull

2006-04-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

I have discovered, sonograms can be creepy. I loved seeing my baby again, but it was just a little disturbing to see a little skull so clearly. It makes perfect sense that the harder surface of the bone would show up more clearly, so I'm not suddenly worried that my baby has no face, or something equally silly. I just wish that I'd gotten more than a quick glimpse of the facial features. (pause for rejection of breakfast) And I wish she hadn't given us a picture of our baby that looks like a prop in a horror movie. I don't know if I'll post either of the pictures she gave us, they're a little bit darker and more difficult to make out.

Anyway, we got a nice view from underneath, and even without the tech's opinion it was obvious. Negitive on the penis. In fact, there was a distinct impression of skin that featured the opposite. So now, we can stop fumbling around when we talk about the baby and just say "She". Funny, it actually takes some getting used to. And during the whole procedure She was much more active than we had seen her last time. Between her movement, and the fact that She was 17 weeks 6 days, we were asked to come back for additional measurements in a few weeks. Ooh, boy! I get to spend another few hours trying not to wet my pants. Yay.

Afterward, we went an got something to eat, and then went back by Babies-R-Us. Mostly, I wanted to get another look at the girl-oriented crib sets. I am Not a girly-girl. But Hubby made me promise weeks ago that until she says otherwise, our baby gets to be as girly as we can stand. Cathy promises me that it's actually fun when it's for your daughter and not you And I am perfectly willing to believe that. But I am not going to be saddled with some hideously frilly, flowery crib set if I can find anyway to avoid it. It was very reassuring to go and find that there were a handful of pink things that I would be able to stand. Better yet, Hubby and I agreed on which one we like best. But we still plan on waiting to register till we're a little closer to the first shower date. It was a lot of fun just to be able to go through and look at things a little closer.

I'm almost certian I've felt her move. It was similar the gas bubbles but it felt more, solid, I guess. Eh, I could be wrong. Either way I'm happy.

Cheese!

Update and a List

2006-03-28T15:03:00.000-08:00

Last night I went in to the doctor's and they checked the heartbeat with a doppler. It was running between the 140's and 150's. And just for the record, I hate hate hate all of the: "Oh the heartbeat's ____, your gonna have a girl! Oh! You're craving _____, it's going to be a boy! Oh! you saw a red truck get walked on by a six toed cat with the mange. . . " I just wish that everyone would keep all of their stupid old-wives' tales to themselves. There's a 50/50 chance whatever it is will be right. I've had to deal with one major 50/50 results test -- THIS isn't it. As long as it's healthy and human I don't care what your Great-great-great grandmother says works every time. Have her go play roulette and win you some money. THEN I'll be impressed. Anyway, the big sonogram is on Thursday, so we should know then. (cue the stories about mistaken gender)

grrrr

Anyway, my good friend, the Walrus, put a challenge in his blog. To list your twenty most means-something-to-me songs. I liked the idea. But I gave myself a rule: Only one listing per artist. I'm at work, and in the middle of moving, AND pregnant, so my brain has been a bit scattered of late. But anyway...

Sonja's Top 20 (in no particular order)

1. Your Daddy's Son - "Ragtime"
The most emotionally powerful song, EVER. And it has nothing to do with being pregnant. I made hubby cry the first time I sang it for him. Runner Up: A Little Fall of Rain - "Les Miserables"

2. Throwing Stones - Paula Cole
My favorite "Pissed-off-and-wanna-break-something" song.

3. Bring Me To Life - Evenescence
Proof, you can have a classical voice and still Rock. All you need is the right band.

4. Just a Girl - No Doubt
I am not what you think a girl should be. I know, and can do, more than you think. And if you put me down because I'm a girl. . . you'll learn real fast what "growing up with the boys" has taught me.

5. Lost in You - Chris Gaines (Garth Brooks)
I didn't think much of this song before I met Hubby. Now it's "Our Song".

6. White Flag - Dido
The chorus says a lot about where my life was for the last year-and-a-half. 'nuff said. Dido runner up: My Lover's Gone

7. Carmina Burana
One of the very few things I regret in life is being too sick with Mono to be onstage singing this piece. Yes, you have heard it.

8. El Paso - Marty Robbins
How can you not love a song as you watch your Grandfather, Father, and Cousins, act out the song every time they hear it. Hearing Hubby sing it on our first date might well be what did me in.

9. Dust In The Wind - Kansas
I fell in love with this song when I first heard it played on the "Highlander" series on TV. It used to be my Favorite overall, but it's amazing what finding out the results of a 50/50 test can do to your outlook on life.

10. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
I love Queen, but promised I'd keep it to one. This song is just FUN! Who doesn't at least FEEL the temptation to headbang???

11. Through the Night - Theme to "Outlaw Star"
It's rock, in Japanese, but I love it and sing along. And the translation of the words is just what I need to hear sometimes.

12. Cell Block Tango - "Chicago"
The first time I heard it was onstage. Before it was over I knew the chorus and the gist of the verses. Yeah, I liked it.

13. More Than Words - Extreme
Two guys and an acoustic in the middle of the Big hair/Bigger distortion era. Can you say Balls?

14. I Do - Lisa Loeb
A hit song about being pissed at your recording company for pressuring you to produce another hit song. I love irony.

15. Wild Horses - Chantal Kreviazuk (?)
Ok, I admit I can never remember her name (I'm not even sure that's it). But she's the one I, and probably most people, think of when I hear this song. I don't know what the Rolling Stones were trying to do, but this is proof that remakes can be better than the original.

16. Seven Spanish Angels - Ray Charles/Willie Nelson
Following the last one, this is the song I would jump at the chance to re-do. Not that they aren't both masters, but Willie should stick to writing, and Ray should have left the gospel choir at home. Yes, I think I could do better.

17. the Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
I know that I'm cheating a little bit - but there were so many things I loved about it! From just about falling out of my seat laughing so hard at "Like a Virgin" in the theater. To missing the high notes they added when I heard Elton John's original "Your Song" on the radio.

18. If You Could See - Geoff Moore and the Distance
This is how everyone wants someone else to feel about them. Last Line: If beauty is all in the eye of the beholder than I am beholding true beauty.

19. Beat My Dog - Audra McDonald
Just my favorite singer with an upright Bass, till the last chorus when they are joined by an acoustic. Sooo much fun, I can't listen to it without smiling.

20. Stonehenge - Spinal Tap
Too many good memories not to list a "Tap" song.

I got Belly!

2006-03-23T16:05:00.000-08:00

I'll be 17 Weeks tomorrow, which means:

I have belly
I no longer appear to have giant anime boobs.

Cheese!

Baby stuff in the Hou. . Apartment!

2006-03-22T14:57:00.000-08:00

So yesterday after work Hubby and I drove over to his Sister's and picked up the crib and changing table that will go in the baby's room. It's a set in a light colored wood, pretty basic, but that's all it needs to be right? There's also a stroller that we are going to get, but I'm not so thrilled with how old it is. The original baby has to be getting close to 10 by now. Of course Hubby has no idea how old he is. I guess there's no reason to worry until I have more information. I have two appointments next week, one with the OB, and the other in the Ultrasound room. At first Hubby said that he was going to be coming to every appointment with me. But after last time he isn't trying to get out of work for both, just the sonogram... maybe it was seeing things like a speculm and pap swab for the first time. Either way in just over a week we should be able to find out if we're having a girl or a boy. I don't think either of us has a preference, except human. But it will make picking things out and regestering sooo much easier.

Weekend before last I went up to Healdsburg with my Aunts and Cousins for a wedding shower. The whole thing was great fun (except for the cruddy bed I slept on). The town is full of cute little hoytie-toytie shops. As in: Oooh thats pretty, (picks up piece of china and sees the price tag) guh! . . I'm going to set this down very carefully now. Anyway, we went into this adorable baby shop. If I had known what I was having, I probably could have spent a LOT of money in there. But two of my aunts got Hubby and I a couple of gifts for me to take home. A beautiful wine red baby blanket, a little bear that looks a lot like a bath poof, but it's suuuper soft. And they both got us the same onesie (in different sizes) White, long sleeves, with "Got Boob?" on the front. Hubby just about wet his pants when he saw them. I love my family.

My cousin (the one not getting married) also came up with a brilliant idea. I was a little worried about the baby shower. Because I know how excited my Mom is about this baby. I mean, she called my Grandmother and told her, including the due date! I can't believe she got out that many legible words at once. I don't know if she will be able to hold it, but it may be the only Grandchild she gets to see. The thing that worried me was that we were planning on having one BIG baby shower. Since Hubby and I ran off to Tahoe, and then each family did their own thing, most of our relatives have never met. So this seemed to be the last good excuse to get everyone together. But the only member of his family who has actually seen my Mom is my MIL, and that was years ago, when she was still mostly functional. And while the adults might do O.K. an event this big is going to have kids. How do you explain to almost 20 kids what a neurodegenerative disease is? So my cousin and I were talking about how this might work, and she suggested doing a small shower just for Mom. The "Girl's Group" used to go on at least one trip together a year, and they were in charge of all of the family get-togethers. They've tried to keep in touch with her, and visit her, but most of the time it just isn't a good idea. So there will be 9-12 people there, including me. And it will be more in her honor than mine. Which is fine by me. It just made me so happy that they want to take the time and effort to do that for her.

anyway, i need to finish what i was doing

Cheese!

Oh! and I made a ticker! Innit cool?!

Radio in the Morning

2006-03-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

I usually listen to the radio in the mornings. Not so much for the music as for what's going on with the DJs. If something on the radio makes me laugh, it's either a morning show, or LoveLine. And believe it or not, we don't listen to Loveline much anymore. It's kind of like watching the Jerry Springer show. You wonder which messed up person is going to call in tonight.

Anyway, I wanted to post something I heard this morning, because it made me laugh. AND I want to tell hubby about it, but I'm sure if I don't write it down I'll forget about it by tonight.

Almost everyone has had their car, or something they left in the car stolen. (If I ever run into that tow-truck driver in a dark alley, he won't be coming out) So we can all identify with the feeling of discovering something that probably had some value is gone. Even if it's just the window they broke to get in and steal a bag of garbage. Moving on, I think they said that this took place in the Netherlands, but don't hold me to it, I wasn't writing anything down. A man had his car stolen. In the car was two suitcases. A group of teenagers took it on a 48 hour joyride and abandoned it on the side of the road. When the man learned it's whereabouts he rushed to find the car. Both suitcases were still inside just as they had been left, totally unmolested. The man was a diamond salesman. One suitcase contained gems, and the other contained cash from a recent transaction.

If it's a true story, I think it would be safe to say that He was the happiest man on earth for a minute or two.

Digging yourself in Deeper

2006-03-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched "Two Weeks Notice" with Hubby. He probably didn't think much of it, but I had a good time. It felt a lot like "Miss Congeiniality", (more so than the sequal) and if you liked that one you'll probably enjoy this as well.

My favorite quote (and probably Hubby's as well):
Lucy Kelson: I think your the most selfish human being on the planet.
George Wade: Well that's just silly. Have you met everybody on the planet?

The reason being: it sounds exactly like something I would say. Especially in the middle of an argument. I have a tendancy to focus in on stupid things that are technically incorrect and basically get myself into bigger trouble because I couldn't ignore it like a normal person.

I will post about the weekend. . .later

Cheese!

Strange Days

2006-03-07T13:04:00.000-08:00

First of all, I'm not seeing the post I did yesterday even though I can pull it up to edit. Weird.

Second strange thing: This morning I woke up before the alarm went off. Which isn't that unusual. If I know it's going to go off, I frequently wake up a few minutes before hand, just so I can be falling back asleep as it goes off. But this morning, I waited for it to go off, and waited, and finally looked at my phone for the time. 3AM ugh.

Third strange thing: On Saturday I was at the family business (I left last May) talking to my Grandmother when she asked me how far along I was.
"14 Weeks"
"That makes you. . .just over three months. OOOooh you better be careful, that's when most people miscarry"
"Actually, They say the majority of miscarrage happens by the 12th Week"
(pause)
"Well! That's when both of Mine happened!"

Oh yes, now I feel better.

On a brighter note, I'm really looking forward to this weekend. The family is throwing a wedding shower for my cousin. They've rented something called "River House" for the weekend, and all the adult girls are going up there. Actually except for my aunts, grandmother, and the other female cousin I don't know how many will be there. But I get to leave early on Friday so that I can carpool up. Mom was invited too, but I didn't even want to show her the card. I know they invited her to be nice, and didn't expect her to be able to come anyway. I'm just really looking forward to a little time off from everything that's been going on. And I'll have a chance to talk to the cousin who is due to have her second child in July. Hubby gets to stay home and behave himself. I get to track down a suitcase.

Cheese!

Sitting is good

2006-03-06T08:56:00.000-08:00

Well, We're not anywhere near done moving. But we now have a place to sit, YAY! We now have a couch with only one stain that I've noticed. The chair we were offered turned out to be huge and according to Hubby, um. . .ill suited to our collective sense of decor. (I think that's a nice way to put it) So we will probably pull out one of the recliners that we were using in the studio. Most of the stuff in the kitchen has been washed and put away, and we found a new coffee maker at a thrift shop for 5 bucks. The last one didn't survive the year in storage very well, must have been hot in there. And the microwave is off the floor and sitting on the sewing machine that I don't know how to use anyway.

My appetite seems to be returning, at least after I start eating. But I'm afraid of dinner tonight. Hubby has had a bit of trouble adapting to the electric stove. He doesn't believe that it gets hot unless you turn it above medium-high. And I don't know what he did with the pizza last night. But the score is currently Me 3, Hubby -2. Maybe I can get him to do microwaved pot-pies tonight, I know he's done that before.

You don't realize how much you sit until there is nothing to sit on. I don't mind the floor, but if you're over the age of 10 you only want to sit indian-style for so long. I think that we have a table lined up, but it won't have chairs. There's still so much to do, and I really don't want to bother after work.

ugh
Cheese

(Arrgh! for some reason my computer isn't allowing me to pull up certian blogs, including mine! irritating!)

One more reason

2006-03-03T11:18:00.000-08:00

That my Hubby is super cool.

***Note, this is not the most recent entry. If you do not see anything more current please hit the curren month in the archives on the sidebar.****

I sleep with a bunny.
It's name is cupcake and I've had it since I was 4 (I think, I could be a year off)
One day I WILL send it to that "Teddy Bear Rescue" place
It has been getting even more cuddle time since my boobs blew up- it makes sleeping more comfortable to have it wedged between 'em.

When I walked into our new bedroom after work on wednesday there was:
bed
bookshelves
pile-o-bedding
cupcake

He forgot his bike to get to work the next day, but he brought my bunny.

Rejected!

2006-03-03T09:04:00.000-08:00

So last night Hubby had to work till 8, and I had to decide what to make for dinner. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted curry. I have this great recipie for a super easy Thai curry. Usually we add onions and potatoes and carrots (and more depending on the mood) But since I haven't made it in a year I decided to stick with the original, for the most part. It was wonderful, and more than enough for both of us considering that my stomach is still trying to convice me that I don't need to eat.

We ate, and I wasn't able to finish what was in my bowl, so I was a good girl and put it in one of the few clean storage containers for lunch the next day. Since we'd been up till 1 the previous night I was dead tired and in bed by 9:30. Just as I was falling asleep, there it was, the "Hot Saliva". At one time, that alone would send me rushing to the bathroom, but recently I can get it to go away after a bit. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen last night, and all of my hard work was lost. I don't know if it was too rich, too spicy, or too much fish sauce, but it is unlikely to be made again for a while. Even worse, (than total rejection of one of my favorite meals) I have to figure out what's going to be for dinner tonight. I hope I have more luck.

REALLY looking forward to the weekend. Hopefully by monday we'll at least have a place to sit other than the bed. It's hard to figure out if we want to put the books in the bookshelf if we might just want to move it again once we get more furniture. And Hubby wants us to put contact paper in the shelves before we wash too many of the dishes. Maybe after work I'll see if I can find something half-way decent at the dollar store, I want to get some of those cheap plastic cutting boards that you can throw in the dishwasher anyway.

This weekend I will:

A) Sleep in
B) Enjoy the Bathtub
C) Continue transporting and putting away things in the apartment.

Hmmmm, slippers, I want fuzzy slippers that are cooshy and just durable enough to take out the trash. . . yeah. . . AND I want them girly enough that Hubby can't steal them.

Cheese!

I'm still here

2006-03-02T08:36:00.000-08:00

Or, there. We've spent the last few weeks working on finding a new place to live. And I'm happy to report that we started moving into a nice two bedroom Apartment yesterday. There's a washer, dryer, dishwasher, garbage disposal, AND, no glaring signs of illegal activities nearby. My wonderful husband and his brother spent most of yesterday moving, and I have discovered that I am a wimp. No kidding, we have a pretty big microwave, and when we first got it I had to move it through doorways much too small all by myself. Heavy and awkward, but doable. Last night, when we were picking up a bunch of stuff from storage, Hubby was standing in the bed of the truck we were using and asked me to hand it to him. So I bend down, being good and remembering to bend from the knees, and try to pick it up. . .Ok, I need more leverage (butt starts to rise). . .still not working. . .I think he waited until my butt was actually higher than my head before taking over. I carried a few of the smaller/lighter things upstairs, but after carrying a SMALL box of cookbooks, I was done for the night. So I started loading things into the dishwasher instead, while poor sweet Hubby humped the rest up the stairs by his lonesome. Well, at least he doesn't have to be at work until 12 so he can sleep in.

So, lemme see. . . before I return to our new home I need to:

A) Decide what to make for dinner
B) Stop by my parent's and pick up more stuff
C) Go buy whatever I'm going to make for dinner

then:

D) Make sure that the dishes I need to cook with are clean (nothing is, after being in storage for a year)
E) Make dinner
F) Be sorting/putting away things whenever I get the chance.

Ugh
Do you think they'd notice if I left early?

Cheese

Craving of the Day

2006-02-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

Ok, it was actually Sunday that I got the craving (and Hubby was sweet enough to get them) but I have been eating them since then:

Prunes

I wanted dried fruit, but apricots were too sour, and raisins are dissapointing. So what else is as easily accessible?

Exerpt from last night's appt:

"Have any Morning Sickness?"
"Uh-Huh"
"Goooood!"

I know that I've had it pretty dang easy with the morning sickness, but still, GOOD never entered my mind.

Confirmation

2006-02-14T08:29:00.000-08:00

Yup, that's a baby. No more wondering if maybe it's just a severe case of gas. It has a little beating heart, fingers, toes, everything. Everything looks good for Sept 1st and Rich and I spent most of last night staring into space.

Just . . . Wow.

Weird

2006-02-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

Sudden craving:

A Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich.

Two Words:

2006-01-31T15:48:00.000-08:00

MOOD SWINGS

Dear snot it's not fair. Yesterday I was practically giddy. Today I want to crawl in a hole and. . .not even die, that would require too much effort. I'm so tired all of the time, give me a chance and I will fall asleep standing up.

And work is not helping. I may have hated working in the Music Box, but at least people could like me. Now I'm the terrible "Accounting Monster" that you blame everything on when you screw up. Or you battle the "AM" hoping it will give in and do your job for you. The "AM" is your enemy, and you cannot be nice, polite is even too much to ask unless someone else is standing there. I'm too tired to deal with this bullshit all of the time. And I'm not looking forward to telling them that I'm pregnant because it will lead to a whole new line of flase-caring-bullcrap that I don't want to have to act like I appriciate. I hate the fact that (even though I need it) I spend half of my lunch asleep in the car. I hate spending 9 hours a day in a room where people laugh at the email I send out to advertise a performance. I hate the fact that I can't talk on the phone without having what I say be taken out of context by one of the 5 people within easy earshot. 9 hours, and I can't get anyone to talk to me for 15 minutes.

Who knows, give me a few hours, or a night's sleep, and my mood may be on an upswing again.

At least I'm not so upset that I'm thinking about giving myself a haircut this time.

Out of Touch

2006-01-27T08:46:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry that I haven't been talking to anyone much. Just so you know what you're currently missing, this conversation happens every 2-3 days.

Rich: What's the matter?
MTB: Nothing
Rich: Then why are you crying?
MTB: I'm pregnant, I'm allowed to cry whenever I want.

I'm reading all of these things that say I should measure my waist and weigh myself regularly. But I'm having a hard time getting motivated. After all, right now I don't look pregnant, I look fat. I mean, I was planning on getting back in the gym after the holidays. Well, shit. I'm not supposed to LOSE weight anymore. Only gain it. Couldn't it have waited til I lost 10-40 pounds?

Anyway, I'm 9 weeks along now. And nothing too exciting to report, except that I really should pull all of those maternity clothes out of the car and start going through them. My waist IS getting wider.

If anyone wants to know how I'm doing, feel free to call. I'm just sitting around doin nothing most of the time I'm not at work lately, because Rich has been looking for a job. I wish I earned enough for him to keep going to school, but I don't. And we REALLY need to get our own place. We don't fight often, but when we do, it's usually about the living conditions. There's just too many living entities in this house to be able to keep it clean in your spare time. (especially when 6 out of 10 life forms only make messes, and 2 of those remaining don't really care) It's funny to want my own place so that I can CLEAN.

The job he's circling at the moment would probably be nights/weekends without very many hours, or much money. But it's a start. And anytime there needs to be at least 14 people in the store at all times people are going to call in sick right? That's how I moved up so fast in the gym. If you're always available to sub, pretty soon they just prefer you anyway.

I should be working right now. I just wanted to post the little recurring conversation, and look what happened. Maybe I should go back to posting more often again.

Cheese,
Mommy-To-Be

The Names have been changed. . .Because it's expected.

2006-01-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

So I was listening to the radio this morning on the way to work, and they were talking about their "Top 5- Worst Rejections". And I was very close to calling in with an event that transpired over the weekend. But then I remembered "wiener Wednesday". Where you submit stories of how you've been wronged, or wronged someone else, in hopes of winning prizes.

wish me luck.

Dear Shawn and Jeff,

I was not present at this prime example of Weinerdom. But, a witness has confirmed the events, and as you will see, I have every right to humiliate the Weiner as far as I see fit.

Saturday night was the closing of a show I was doing sound for at a local theater. And apparently a crush had developed. "Bambi" decided to write down her phone number and give it to "Ryan". Using a piece of tissue, she tucked it in the back of his shirt, as if his tag had been sticking out. Later when he was getting ready for the show it fell out. Another actress was standing there and told him it wasn't hers, but it sure looked like someone's lip-liner. Later "Bambi" joined them. "Ryan" recognized the first three digits of the number and asked:

"Bambi, do you have AT&T?" She nods.
"Did you stick your phone number in my shirt?" She nods, a little slower and kind-of coyly.

"Ryan" crumpled the paper into a little ball, and pressed it to her lips, trying to shove it in her mouth, before storming off in complete disgust. Leaving "Bambi" behind, with the other actress, who was trying desperately not to laugh. Poor "Bambi" seemed a little depressed the rest of the night.

Where do I fit in? The day after Christmas I found out I was pregnant. That would make it a month of everyone in the theater, including "Bambi", offering congratulations, advice, and talking about baby showers, to me . . .and my husband of two years, "Ryan".

My only regret is that I was not told until after we got home. Preventing me from humiliating her in front of the party we all attended later that night. Maybe I'm a wiener for wanting to verbally decimate her in public, but I can't wait till I see her again.

Signed,
A Smug Mother-To-Be

One of my favorite parts, that didn't really fit in the story, was about how the other actress involved had been dating someone who turned out to be a major scumbag. We all agreed that this man was absolute filth because while he was out playing with her, he had a pregnant wife at home. Yup, even Ch. . . "Bambi", said he was slime.

Who's the slime now?

Out In the Open

2005-12-28T08:34:00.000-08:00

Just in case you haven't heard.

I'm pregnant.

I figure anyone who is reading this already knows. In fact the only people we're NOT telling right away is My extended family. This is just to give Dad a break, we plan on moving out of the house and into an apartment in the next few months, and 'till then, we're going to try to keep his harassment down to a minimum.

I haven't decided yet, if I'm going to use this space as a running diary of sorts. I might. . .but I might not.

Right now, I'm just trying to absorb the fact that I'm going to have a baby.

So give me a minute.

or two

Yes, I said Badass.

2005-12-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

I found this and you just have to see it if you haven't already

BADASS Christmas Lights

A New Downtown Attraction

2005-12-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

World AIDS awareness day!!!

was yesterday. . .

But how could I resist posting a picture of an obelisk wearing a giant condom????

Now there's a city with a sense of humor.

cheese!

Christmas Fantasia Email

2005-11-23T09:59:00.000-08:00

This is a copy of the email that I just sent out to the few email addresses that I possess. If you read it you're invited!

I know that I promised to send this out about two weeks ago, but I keep forgetting. Anyone surprised?

Anyway, if you're still interested in coming (and I'd love for anyone to attend) here is the information:

Calvary Bible Church: Christmas Fantasia

We will have 4 performances- Thurs Dec 8th through Sun 12th.
Doors open at 6:30, Show starts at 7:00
All at the lovely (overpriced) - Hutchins Street Square
Admission is FREE!!

It will be approximately 2 hours long. There will be an intermission that will include some sort of sugary dessert, and probably a "True meaning of Christmas" speech at some point.

The choir is actually very good. We sang with the "Gary Bonner Singers" a few weeks ago, and this group is one of the reasons we are attending this church. The music is challenging enough that after three straight rehearsals this week my voice is looking forward to a holiday nap. Depending on the night I am either in the small ensemble group for the second half, or doing a solo.

I will be able to pick up 6 tickets on Sunday-but I have to have names. (And Rich Phipps is first on my list)
On Monday (the 28th) tickets are going on a first-come first-served basis, I can call/get them. Or better yet (because we all know how good I am at remembering this kind of thing) you can call Keith and Laura Kenegawa (333-2452) to get reservations yourself. You might still need to provide the names of people attending. (they just want to make every effort to have real people in the seats) Seating is limited and I've been told that they have very good attendance.

Please Come if you can! Free Sugar, and a chance to hear me sing notes that make my brain rattle in my skull. I can guarantee that it will be better than that singing christmas tree across town. And please Forward this to anyone who might be interested. I don't have many email addresses and half of them are old.

See you there! (I hope)

Joke

2005-11-23T08:50:00.000-08:00

The Door Stopper

Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open.Seeing the two church members at the door frustrated her. She stormed back to the door and flung it shut.

But the door still didn't close. Furious, she grabbed the door with two hands and shoved it as hard as she could. But again, the door wouldn't shut.

Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would really teach them a lesson.

Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."

BASTARD!!!

2005-11-22T08:20:00.000-08:00

Just a WTF moment.

I happened across this article That tells of a Dutch Television station trying to break the Guiness Book Record for most Dominoes. And apparently there is a large faction of people upset that there was a sparrow killed in the process. People Angry, Station "Saddened" etc.

Personally I take the side of the guy who shot the damn bird. I mean honestly, if I had just spent days setting up 4.1 Million of these things and a SPARROW knocked over 23,000 of them. . . just imagine seeing 23 THOUSAND dominoes fall. . .and know that you are going to have to set them back up AGAIN...

If the bird stuck around long enough for some one to grab a gun, Personally, I'd consider it natural selection.

Mood goes up...Mood goes down

2005-11-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

Haven't been in much of a mood to write lately. But some good news:

Rich did manage to get into an Anatomy Class!! (Big Yay!) All 12 of them had filled up hours before he was able to schedule. I'd been keeping as close a track of them as I could while at work. So I told him which were the last to fill up, figuring from experience that not only would there be a smaller waiting list, but, there would probably be one or two people enrolled in the class who would prefer a different time slot-and would be on a waiting list themselves. It's always fun to be right :D

"Peter's Friends" is finally over. UmmmM. . . well. . .It inspired a few things. . .nevermind

Last night at the choir rehersal (for the christmas show I'm doing with the church) we got to run through without the canned voices on the tape. And I had to sing my solo, for the first time, in front of the choir (and my hubby) without anyone else singing it. Mic and everything. And Damn, was I scared. It's soooooOOoo different to be singing like this rather than onstage as a character or as part of a group. It's not even like karaoke, where most of the people singing suck anyway. These people don't suck, and most of them have some training. SCARY According to my husband I did very well. And he was there for the entire practice so he's heard everything and can give a review to anyone who asks. I'm hoping to get that email out about the show (in case anyone wants to come) out today.

And maybe I'm being petty, but. . .If you are telling people that you are going to have a "party" at your home on a certian date, especially if everyone's known about it for at least a week in advance, I think it is supremely bad form to have nothing to eat or drink available. Most people don't mind bringing things-and will, even if you don't ask (proven a few times over) But if you are planning to only be furnishing the location-it would be nice if you said so. Not to mention that some of us would actively avoid a party that seems to be centered around the alcohol available. I wonder if they also invite the people who are allergic to seafood to a crab feed.

--Sorry, I could really keep going, but I'm going to stop. It's amazing how upset a person can get in the space of half-an-hour.

Does that make me a "Double Movie Whore"?

2005-11-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

I saw this on Skippy's blog. Maybe it's just a morbid curisoity for me to see just how many of these I've seen. Because I didn't see any orginization in the way the movies were arranged and broken into chunks I'm going to put them into groups of ten just because I'm lazy and my computer's being wonky.

Put an X by the movies you've seen.If you get more than 70, you're a movie whore.
COPY AND REPOST! PLACE YOUR SCORE IN THE SUBJECT LINE

(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
( ) Garden State
(x) The Princess Bride
(x) Young Frankenstien
Total here: 8

(x) Anchor Man
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Saw
(x)White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
Total here: 8

( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Resident Evil I
Total here: 6

(x) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
( ) Donnie Darko
(x) Lilo & Stitch
(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) 13 Ghosts
(x) Signs
Total here: 8

(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (I was too busy playing poker at the annual marathon to watch)
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I Robot
(x) Dodgeball
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came A Spider
Total here: 8

( ) Deep impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
Total here: 5

(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
Total here: 3

( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
Total here: 4

(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Seven (SE7EN)
(x) Oceans Eleven
Total here: 3

(x) Oceans Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(x) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(x) Independence day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
Total here: 3

(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) Frailty
( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
Total here: 5

(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) X-men 1
(x) X-men 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
Total here: 9

( ) Ring of Fire
( ) The Hot Chick
( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle
( ) Old School
(x) Ray
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Total here: 6

(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
(x) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
( ) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
Total here: 8

(x) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi
(x) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
(x) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
( ) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
(x) Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap
Total here: 5

(x) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator
( ) Empire Records
( ) SLC Punk
(x) Meet Joe Black
( ) Wild Girls
(x) A Clockwork Orange
( ) The Order
(x) Spiderman
(x) Spiderman 2
Total here: 6

( ) Amelie
(x) Mean Girls
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) The Incredibles
( ) Collateral
( ) The Fast & The Furious
( ) 2 Fast 2 Furious
(x) Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
(x) Closer
Total here: 6

(x) Titanic
(x) Saved
( ) Bowling For Columbine
( ) Farenheit 9/11
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) Artificial intelligence (AI)
(x) Love actually
( ) Shutter
(x) Ella Enchanted
(x) Princess Diaries
Total here: 7

(x) Princess Diaries 2
(x) Constantine
(x) Million Dollar Baby
(x) Envy
( ) Eurotrip
(x) Malibu's Most wanted
( ) Big Daddy
( ) Black Sheep
(x) The Breakfast Club
(x) West Side Story
Total here: 7

(x) A Christmas Story
(x) Spanglish
(x) Pulp Fiction
( ) Sleepover
( ) The Evil Dead
( ) Killer Klowns From Outer Space*
( ) The Seed of Chucky
( ) Vanilla Sky
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
Total here: 5

(x) Interview With The Vampire
(x) The Crow
( ) Purple Rain
( ) Reservoir Dogs
(x) Wayne's World
( ) Wayne's World 2
(x) 21 Grams
( ) Blow
(x) Edward Scissorhands
(x) Clerks
Total here: 7

(x) Beauty and the Beast
( ) Guess Who
( ) Monster In-Law
(x) Elf
(x) Stuart Little
( ) Stuart Little 2
(x) Mall Rats
(x) Chasing Amy
(x) Dogma
(x) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Total here: 7

(x) Beetlejuice
(x) The Last Samurai
( ) The Amityville Horror
(x) The Aviator
(x) Romeo + Juliet
( ) Barbershop
( ) Beauty Shop
(x) Legally Blonde
( ) Legally Blonde 2
(x) The Forgotten
( ) Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
(x) Grudge
Total here: 7

Total: 141

Dear Snot! So that's why I don't watch any TV!

Kamikaze Clarinet Karaoke

2005-11-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

So in the mornings on the way to work I usually Listen to "Shawn & Jeff". And I'm sure that everyone's familiar with the way morning shows try to make up new and exciting ways to give away prizes. A while ago they came up with Kamikaze Clarinet Karaoke. I think that it was inspired by "Hollaback Girl". But anyway, Jeff (I think) is handed a piece of paper with a song written on it, and after a brief warm-up/experimentation trys to play the song on his old clarinet.

This may be one of my favorite games. . .ever.

Having been exposed to an absurd amount of children who "play" the clarinet, (and think it's a good idea to wait till the day before a concert to tell Mom that they need new cork) I have heard more horrid renditions of "A Whole New World" and "The Jurassic Park Theme" than anyone who is not a band teacher deserves. And if you don't want to piss off the proud parent there is no laughing, cringing, or just asking the child to stopfortheloveofallthatsholy! I can tell that the poor man on the other side of the radio must have at one time been reasonably accomplished, because you CAN. . .eventually. . .figure out what he's trying to play off the top of his head. He actually created a very good rendition of "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and "Lonely No More" , The only downside is that they do the game at random, and that my cell doesn't allow me to call the station (shitnuggets!)

So this morning I tuned in just in time to catch the end of the warm-up. Now the guys involved are laughing throughout the entire segment-and I don't know how you can laugh AND play the clarinet. It started something like
"Ok, for tickets to see Rob Thomas and Anna Nalyck, Name this tune!!"
"Ok, I've got it" (clarinet plays a few notes) Honk! "wait" HONK! "wait" honk! "wait, OK, Ok, Ok NOW I've got it"
this goes on for a bit before he hits his stride-and plays through the chorus a few times. And I have no clue, just a vague sense of familiarity. Neither do the people calling in and guessing. It gets to the point where people are guessing whatever has come to mind, even if it sounds Nothing like what he's trying to play. So after taking a bunch of really stupid calls they finally say,
"Ok, I'll give you guys a big hint, this is for tickets to see ROB THOMAS"
Now the people are giving every song that they can think of involving Rob Thomas (except for some reason, if he sang it with Matchbox Twenty, hmmm) Finally the poor guy howling through the clarinet says
"Hey, What time is it?"
"Why, it's 3AM, Oh, no, it's 7:48"
more clueless calls
"I don't know how I can give you a bigger hint, ROB THOMAS"
"What time is it?"
"3AM, no I'm sorry it's not 3AM, it's 7:51"
a few more clueless calls came in before a very exasperated caller finally got the right answer. they went to commercial, and I guess one of the other guys in the studio claimed that he could do a better likeness while gargling beer. . .so when they came back, one of the DJs had found a
Bud Light. It didn't work out.

I haven't laughed so hard while driving in a long time.

Movie: The Color Purple

2005-11-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

So, Rich's new show with Smiler's over at the Empire theater opened last Friday. It's an adaptation of "Peter's Friends". And, uh. . . I sat up in the sound booth with Steph during the show. . .so, I uh. . .couldn't hear it. :)

Over the weekend I watched "The Color Purple" for the first time. I really enjoyed it, even though it was a touch trite. Quincy Jones did a great job on the music-if I ever have money I might look up the soundtrack. Whoopie Goldberg deserved all of her nominations for her performance. Having grown up watching her portray strong characters, it was almost bizzare to see her play this frail beaten woman. Granted the story is about how she gains strength over the years, but you don't see that person till the last 20 minutes or so. Oprah Winfrey did a great job with her character too. Rich said they could have easily made a whole 'nother movie about Sofia's story.

Overall it was not what I had expected it to be. All I had heard was that it was about a young woman who was abused by, and had two children with her father, before landing in a marriage with a husband who beats her. I expected the "Shindler's List", "American History X" type of movie. Ya know? Good, Amazing, but in a terrible way. So, I was surprised to see that the focus had been kept on the humor in the situation. And while the strength she finds does involve anger, and rightly so. The real power comes from joy.

The whole point isn't being pissed off at how you've been wronged. But finding value in the moments of happiness you are given. And making sure that they come as often as possible.

"It pisses God off, when you walk by the color purple in a field, and don't notice."

Just in Case

2005-11-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

If you ever find yourself in a Horror Movie, remember this:

If you are losing a tug-of-war with a tiger, give him the rope before he gets to your arm. You can always buy a new rope.-Max Gunther

Cheese!

Truly scary

2005-10-31T09:44:00.000-08:00

I think that there are a few times a parent should say "No" to a costume idea. This is one. I don't know, but to me a little kid in a grey suit with a "beatle" wig is cute. This is wrong. Not as wrong as a child dressed up as Michael Jackson, but still wrong.
The really scary thing is that I found this picture months ago. I was just waiting for a "cousins shouldn't marry" joke to come to mind.

Cheese!

Happy Halloween!!

2005-10-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

This was really easy to make, and everyone got a kick out of it. I don't know that everyone had the courage to eat it, but it was very good. Even my husband had fun melting a tootsie roll into a puddle to put on top. I'll try to post a picture of it later.

And we had a wonderful time at the annual horror movie marathon. I was a cow. . . moooooOOOoo.

Cat Box Cake

CAKE INGREDIENTS:
1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"

1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.
2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.
3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.
4) Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!

Cheese!

Cheese for everyone!

2005-10-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, cramps. Gotta love 'em. On the bright side it means Rich and I have ducked parenthood for another month. If I had been smart I would have invested in Norplant or something. But Rich thinks I'm insane enough without it. :D

anyway, Fun...

An observant Jew called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.

He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray: "God, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue: "God, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."Lotto night comes a second time and Jacob still has no luck! Back to the synagogue again, Jacob asks: "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and my children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of God himself:

"JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE....BUY A LOTTO TICKET."

Once there was an old rich man who was afraid of dying and leaving all his wealth behind on earth. So, he took up the matter with God. He pleaded day and night to be able to take all his earthly possessions with him.

Finally, God conceded. He said the man could take as much as he could fit in one suitcase. The old man immediately went out, bought a huge suitcase, sold all he owned and filled the suitcase with gold bars.

Shortly after that, the old man died. Awkwardly dragging the big, heavy suitcase, he approached St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter stopped him, asked him to open his luggage, and then told him he couldn't bring his gold bars into Heaven.The man was irate. "You don't understand," he said. "I got permission directly from God himself for this. He told me whatever I could fit into one suitcase, I could bring with me."

St. Peter, shrugged his shoulders and simply said, "Fine with me. But we've already got plenty of pavement here."

Just goes to show you, nothing has the same value everywhere. I like that idea.

And some wise words from Lucy that I need to keep in mind:

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

-Lucille Ball

New Comic: Queen of Wands

2005-10-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

So for some terrible reason I have had the "Captian Planet" theme running through my head for the last week or so. I even came up with a funny idea that I just don't have time to draw. Something along the lines of a superhero convention with everyone making fun of the entire premise of the Blue Mullet Man. So I ran across a new comic that I'm really enjoying (I'm afraid of how much I might be like Kestral) When I ran across This strip. Darwin and a chainsaw >D

Another followed a few weeks later that Perfectly Illustrated why I hate retail.

And Just one reason The cats aren't allowed in the bedroom. It really has happened. :)

Sometimes they can almost see your mood coming.

2005-10-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful, but I don't think I'd like to look out of my window and see Wilma on her way.

Rich got me sick.

At least it was just in a "feel like crap that has been smacked with a hammer" and nauseated for 18 hours way. I don't feel great now, but that will go away too.

Started gritting my teeth again yesterday and did something mildly unpleasant to my left TMJ. At least the swelling seems to be mild this time. Here's some genuine hoping that no-one pisses me off again today. I have trouble noticing that I'm hurting myself when I'm imagining hurting other people. I really don't want to have to spend another three weeks on a soft diet. Even pudding gets old.

Fucking Nuts, I long for a grapefruit.

Smug

2005-10-14T08:44:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like seeing a jerk get in trouble to improve your mood.

Since they closed Lower Sac for repairs the drive in the morning has gotten longer. And though Davis is a little farter away, it makes up for it in a LOT less traffic overall. But 12 can be a bit on the crowded (if still going 65) side. So you drive a little cautiously-because you know they refer to it as "Blood Alley" for good reason, and people are stupid. When ,you look in the rear view mirror, and right on cue an idiot in a white car pulls right up to your bumper. You hope that you showered well this morning 'cause their nose is up your ass. There is a stream of cars going by to your left, so this intelligent person decides to put his car half in the dirt to pass you on the right and wedge himself in between you and the little red car in front of you. Asshole. Then seeing a gap in oncoming traffic the white car passes the red car on the left.
Rich was driving-and this is what was going through his head:

"That's a really stupid thing to do seeing how many cops. . .there. . ."

All of the cars moved to the side of the road as a police car twinkled on by. And just before we got to the turn lane for Davis, there was the cop, parked behind a certian white car.

yup, smug

after all those times where you really wish there had been a cop to see how some jerk cut you off, FINALLY one got caught.

I could, say just in case I happen to know the person driving the car, and they happen to read this, that I don't mean to cause offense.

But I would be lying.

And I think that the white car got exactly what he deserved, and I think fines in that area may even be a little higher because of the high accident rate.

Smug is a warm cuddly blanket at the moment, all I need is some cocoa.

(devilish laugh)

Rumors ARE stupid, send me your money.

2005-10-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.-William James

Sometimes people are just bizarre. I had a great time at Chilis' last night-it was even worth driving there in my little brother's car. Which is borderline taking-my-life-in-my-hands. Between the headlight that has been out since last winter, the fact that it feels like it's going to shake apart at "high" speeds, and his reluctance to clean the sap from the birch tree off of his windshield-I wasn't happy. Sleepy, but not happy. But I showed up when I was invited. I do so LOVE to be invited to do. . .Just about anything.

"Hey, ya wanna sit in a room and breathe?"
"Just breathe?"
"Yup"
"Nothing Else?"
"Yup"
...
"Ok, sounds like fun!"

And just so you know-I adore the "Shanghai Wings" at Chilis'. My husband and I agreed that it's kind of like sushi without the raw fish. I love sushi. But its easier to get a big group of people to go to Chilis' than, say, Matsuyama's. And cheaper in the long run. Ginger and Wasabi, YUMMY!

Anyway, I just find it strange that people seem capable of believing anything they hear. Even when it goes against what the person in question says, and everything you have seen them do. Maybe I can start a few rumors. . .

BRAD PITT HAS LEFT ANGELINA JOLIE FOR A FLING WITH A CHINOOK SALMON!!!
MOTHER THERESA HAS BEEN SUMMONED FROM THE UNDERWORLD TO DROWN PUPPIES!!
THE MOVIE "THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE" WAS TRUE AND THE INVASION HAS BEGUN!!!!

AND ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO SPEND INSANE AMOUNTS OF MONEY ON MAKING THEIR CARS LOOK LIKE A SWISS ARMY KNIFE MATED WITH A DISCO BALL, ARE GOING TO SEND ME ALL THE CASH THEY WOULD HAVE WASTED ON FURTHER MORONIC MODIFICATIONS!!!!!!!

I'm hoping the last one takes off.

Cheese!

Vocal Warmup and a Two-minute drawing

2005-10-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

What a to-do

to die today

at a minute or two to two

a thing distinctly hard to say

yet harder still to do

for they'll beat a tattoo

at twenty to two

with a

ra-ta-ta ta-ta-ta ta-ta-ta too

and the Dragon will come

when he hears the drum

at a minute or two to two today

at a minute or two to two.

Grandma will always be with you. . .Really

2005-10-07T08:52:00.000-07:00

So, there is now a company that will take cremated human remains and make them into a diamond.

yup

I'm not sure whether that is cool or just creepy. And what happens if years later you decide to sell it? Do you run the risk of being arrested for selling human remains?

Cheese!

You squished my Jello

2005-10-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

The bird of paradise alights only on the hand that does not grasp.-John Berry

Life is like Jello-the harder you squeeze it, the more it escapes your grasp.

And please remember, to some people, friendship is more important than money.

Since we're all on the subject of Cats

2005-10-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

So if you have a pet I'm sure that you also have a few toys for that pet. The most popular one in our house is a bunch of streamers on a mini "fishing" pole that cost all of $2 at Wal Mart. We've been through two of these-in between loosing them. If you leave it where Churro could find it he'd drag it around the house with him.

So one day Rich and I were in the clearance isle at the grocery store when we saw some sort of "Electronic Pet" similar to the one pictured above. Voice activated, makes a bunch of different sounds, and runs around on it's own. Sounds like a fun thing to stick in front of a cat right? The cats would sit and stare at this thing when we'd make it move around, and when it stopped they would smack it with one paw and then run away like a first grader with a crush. I guess the relationship worked out. . . we haven't seen the mouse since we went to bed that night.

The more I think about it, the more I realize there is nothing more artistic than to love others-Vincent Van Gogh

I eat you

2005-10-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.-Emily Post

just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRrrrrrr!

Back to Cheese!

2005-10-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

I wish my cats could do that! On second thought. . .Churro is so fat he would probably cause your arm to fall off, nevermind. All my cats seem to be good for is eating something they shouldn' t and then throwing up all over the house-yay for no carpets! That and unrolling the toilet paper.

Seriously, Churro is so fat that the other night I was standing in the kitchen talking to my father when the cat decides he wants to get in a box that is sitting on the floor. It's not a very big box-just about armpit high for the cat. So he just steps inside. . .and then trys to step his hind legs in. . . but the box is just a little too high. So my Dad and I sit there and chuckle as the cat trys to lift one leg, and then the other into the box without success. You might be wondering where "fat" comes into the equation. . . Well, when the cat finally gave up on getting his hind legs into the box he stepped over the nearest edge of the box-not the same one the came over in the first place. He was twisting around a corner-legs outside the box-canteloupe sized stomach inside the box. When he realized that he was still stuck he then tried to run away-dragging the box along with him. Dad and I were laughing so hard by now that we didn't even see how he got out- we were both too busy try to breathe.

Yup, had a good weekend. . .

and just so you know, if your first thought when going to a stand-up comedy act is "Couldn't they have come up with a better title than that?" The answer is NO, and they probably think that it's very clever. . . not a place to be. Unless you have a bunch of friends showing up and can kick their ass in Cranium later.

Cheese!

Spoiler Alert!?

2005-09-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

(I guess I should warn you that this might contain a spoiler or two-but you should already be aware of them.)

I hate it when people ruin a surprise. The ultimate was during a speech class. We were giving a Short subject (2-3 minute) speech on "Pet Peeves". I can't remeber what my subject was, but I remember about 20 seconds of someone else's. It went something like:

How many of you have seen "The Sixth Sense"?

(a little more than half of the class raises their hands)

Well how many of you already knew that BRUCE WILLIS WAS DEAD!? Someone told me before, blah blah blah. . .

The Sixth Sense had just left the theaters. I had missed it, but had every intention of watching it as soon as it came out on video. I just watched that movie for the first time about two months ago-and I'm pissed off all over again. I think the title of that speech Should have been "My Pet Peeve, ME!" HelllOOooo! You just ruined the movie for at least 20 people that I could see, SHIT. Moron.

Anyway, the reason for the Fantastic Four. I was reading an article about Jessica Alba and her role in "Into the Blue". First of all someone was questioning why she spent most of the movie in a bikini. I havn't seen the movie-but from what the trailers have indicated I think it was much more logical than, say, a parka. Yes it shows off her body, woop-de-doo, most bathing suits do. And in a movie so centered around the ocean, bathing suits of one or two peices make the most sense.

At the end of the Article they mentioned that she had been signed up for two more "Fantastic Four" movies. With this:
"SPOILER ALERT!!!
They get married"

Now, I appriciate the effort, but. . . isn't that something that every drooling fanboy who went to see the movie already knew? I think I knew that she was Reed's wife before I knew that she was Johnny's sister.

And thanks to my husband I will spend another day with "Dress to Kill" running through my head.

Wish I was "Running, jumping, climbing trees, putting on makeup when you get up into them."

If You Don't Know

2005-09-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.-Abigail Van Buren

So I played Texas Hold 'Em for the first time last night. I'll give it some time before it's just something I do to make my husband happy. After all, my problem seemed to be that most of my hands either sucked outright, or just weren't quite good enough. The one hand I did win was of a decent size though. Oh, wait, I won another. Everyone else folded after looking at their hand.

Yup, I'm good. :P

Cheeseish

How can you breathe in that cloud of hate?

2005-09-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

I just wonder sometimes, ya know? Why is everyone more interested in their own political agenda then in what is going on? Don't you think more might get done if people stopped screaming at each other about who did or didn't do what for which reason and just worked on making things better for everyone?

But I guess that's true everywhere. Honestly, what good is camping on the side of the road going to do anyone? All I have seen is someone who has found an original method for gaining their 15 minutes of Fame. They might feel strongly about whatever it is, but wasn't there a more effective/less public way to serve their ideals? This was not an issue that was going unnoticed by the public-it was just a way for YOU to get on TV.

What is really sad to me, is that a person who wrote a book that called attention to a travesty mostly unknown to our generation, was given a tiny blurb on her death. I don't remember the date, but I cut out the one inch wide, four line long notice, and taped it on the inside cover of my copy of "The Rape of Nanking". Iris Chang committed suicide-did you notice? Have you even heard of the event? Probably not. That was something to be upset about. I think that Japan has just started apologizing for their war crimes in the last few months-maybe they'll mention it by name.

No Cheese

Gene Pool Lifegaurd

2005-09-27T08:59:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be thought creul, but. . . I don't know, if a puppy swallows a 13 inch long serrated knife something's wrong. Suicidal puppy or natural selection at work?

All Done (no cheese)

2005-09-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

So the show that Rich and I were doing together ended last night. It doesn't destroy me the way it did years ago, maybe it's because I know that it won't be too long before I do another one. Or that I actually continue to go out with my favorite people after the show is over. If you've never been on stage in a play (though I know that most of the people who would read my blog are involved in the theater) its not something that is easy to describe. But I do recommend it, an dbeing in a production doesn't necessarliy mean being on stage. There is always need for someone able to help out backstage. The only thing that really disappoints me is the way last night ended. I guess we just had so much fun on Friday night that it couldn't really compare. It was just sad to see everyone go their seperate ways so quickly after it ended-I mean the UNO tournament only went on the first night, and then the people most involved never stuck around. Ok, so I'm bummed.

We were asked to consider doing another show at the Empire theater but I don't think that I'll be able to. RIGHT before my husband called with that news I recieved a call from my choir director. I enjoy acting, but I have very little confidence in my abilities. Whereas when it comes to singing in a choir I know that I have value. I'm not the best soloist-at least in the sense that I didn't become the operatic singer that my instructors wanted me to. But I know how to blend and support a note which is invaluable in groups. I've only been a member of this choir since around the beginning of March, and I know that no-one is going to throw someone the don't know into a position of responsiblity when they have people they've known for years. So it means a lot to me to be asked to do this, especially since they've hardly seen me this summer, between the break we took (if I'm not supposed to sing it's not easy to get me to church on Sunday morning) and not being able to show up to practice because of rehersals for the show. It surprised me that I was asked at all. Besides, I really miss singing.

But in REALLY good news, Mom took a shower this morning! Yay! I just hope she's also wearing clean clothes. In so many ways I'm really tired of this, it's not fair to any of us, especially her. But there's not really anything we can do. Except maybe try to get her to eat a decent meal once a day. How do you deal with this? I'm just sick and angry-and I don't care if you think being angry is right, or if you think of me as weak for being disgusted by watching her eat, or drink. No one who is not directly involved has a right to judge me. and just because you live here doesn't mean that you understand. I hate this.

No cheese

I wish I were having more fun

2005-09-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

So I added a whole bunch of new links on the sidebar. Mostly additional comics :)

I love this bear-it was going to be my profile pix until I stole the "kitty with a gun" from my brother.

n-e-way gotta get back to work

Cheese!

Surviving

2005-09-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you.-Mary Tyler Moore

I am a stronger person thanks to the things that have happened, or are currently happening in my life. But I'm not sure that I would say it makes me grateful for them.

Some Flavors were not meant to be Mixed

2005-09-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

This is just scary.
I see four different flavors.

Lemon
Milk
Bourbon
Pickle

Now, I'm not entirely sure that the spelling of Bourbon refers to the beverage. But even without it you would still have Pickle to contend with. I like to give everything a try at least once before saying that I won't like it-Heck, I've eaten Lutefisk! (not something I would do again if I were starving) But I'm thinking that I would pass this one up. . .maybe.

Cheese!

She-Ra, Princess of Power, Trys a DIY Wax Kit

2005-09-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

This had me in tears and snorting in the effort not to laugh out loud at work (which, I'm sure you know, only makes things worse) WARNING!! This is a story about waxing-specifically, some of the more sensitive areas of the body where you might want hair removed. So it will mention said parts. But it is damn funny. Thanks to TokayTessie for sending it too me

All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner, played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax, my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north.

After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. I take another deep breath and RIP. Everything is swirley and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off. Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than then that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub, in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn?t melt cold wax? So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub! There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom .Are we talking cheeks or hole or what? She's laughing out loudly now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up... I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT! So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point. Next week I?m going to try hair color......

For the Fashionable Male in Your Life

2005-09-20T08:49:00.000-07:00

Or woman, I guess. One of these days I'll do a real post again, ya know, when I have time. But till then. . . THINK testicles

Cheese!

Too much truth in advertising

2005-09-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

I appreciate modesty, and it is best to be honest whenever possible. But sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut about the quality of your product. I wonder if they were aiming for any particular word, since I doubt that they really wanted to be known as "The Vomit". Maybe they cater to bulimics?

Sleepy this morning-and lots to do.

Cheese!

I'll find it. . . Eventually

2005-09-16T09:37:00.000-07:00

I left work early yesterday. Aren't migranes fun? Since I started working here at the end of May I've only left work twice, and both times my employer has asked me if they could give me a ride home. I guess when you look as miserable as I do when I don't feel well you just can't wait for them to leave. :D Luckily I think that I'll be fine tonight. If not being on stage with all of those bright lights, uncomfortable clothing, and loud voices is going to be really fun. Unfortunately this has left me even more lost and confused at work than I was yesterday. And I need to finish the book that I'm reading so I stop trying to pick it up. Dang Book.-

Engrish.com is still making me laugh- and my little brother showed me stupid-videos.com-The old Swarzenegger adds from Japan are absolutely bizarre. (I'll check that link later, really I will)

Nerds, I am one of them, and so are you.

2005-09-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

We are the future, you cannot resist us.

I wonder if there were always nerds throughout the centuries. Was he the ancient Egyptian with the overbite and a collar made by his Mom that said "my Hieroglyphics are more uniform than yours"? Was he the guy running around the renaissance with breeches too short, shoes too long, and carrying the newest import from the east, the abacus? Was there a Neanderthal that learned how to make the first daisy chain for a female he liked, only to have it crushed beneath the impressively heavy rock of a "cooler" male? Maybe that's the real reason why St Paul (I think) embraced celibacy, and encouraged others to it. Perhaps he had been rejected so many times he just started saying that this was the way he preferred to live. Or maybe he just had trouble producing testosterone-I dunno. Anyway, Long live the Nerds!!

Cheese!

Sometimes you really need cute

2005-09-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness.-May Sarton

Proof, it sucks to be a Monk

2005-09-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

If you are going to be a monk, it seems like one of the best places to be would be a monastary with a brewery. Right?

That is until your brew is declared the best in the world.

After all this isn't exactly the Budweiser plant out in Fairmont (? is that right-I've only driven by)

Best Beer in the world = Empty Stiens.

guess they'll be drinking water for a while.

Some people should just know when to stop

2005-09-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

I just wonder, are those earrings or are they counter-weights to keep the scaffolding on her head.

But honestly, How old is this woman? Last I read she is over Fifty with no surgical "improvements". Man, if you could bottle that you'd make a fortune. Not that she really needs the money.

Cheese!

I will master this blog. . .thingy

2005-09-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

How to get rid of your parents (I had to use something)

OOOhhh, did it work?

Thank You Shan'Chelle!!!

One try too!!

Once again forbidden to dance-it's too easy for other people to see what I'm doing in my cubicle.

Yay! Thank You!

Jinguru Berus, Jinguru Berus, Jinguru awhh da wayeee

2005-09-08T08:22:00.000-07:00

So, linked to the bad-tattoo Japanese/Chinese website from yesterday was this little gem:
www.engrish.com

Most people are aware that words are not always easy to translate from one language to another. This site showcases some of the most bizzare things to be formed into a sentence. There are a few tattoos as well, proving you don't have to be white to get a stupid marking you can't understand. I just wonder how they get these words together. At least my Dad's favorite experience with poor translation makes sense:

At one time the Music Box sold keyboards. (They still do sometimes around the holidays) One particular model imported from Japan-I believe it may have been a Yamaha-but I'm not sure. Had legs that you attached to the main body, so you didn't need a stand after it was assembled. Which is a good idea right? Unfortunatly a mistake was noticed when the floor model was being assembled. . . The legs of the keyboard had to be attached with Screws. And what does one do with a screw??? (Hint: you don't hammer it) I believe the proper verb is screw, as in "screw the 3/4 screw into slot B." Do you see where this is going? The verb "screw" describes more than one type of action, apparently this also applies in Japanese. Because the written directions asked you to "firmly F$^k the legs to the base of the instrument" In fact anytime the word "screw" should have been used, "F*&k" was used instead. Really

I just discovered something. If you put "F*" and "@k" together it creates a link. I'm not sure I want to know where this link would go. Yup I'm chicken, I admit it. Enjoy the mangled English.

I love curry, and hamsters are very cute, but I don't think that there is a hamster cheerful enough to get me to buy this product.

As my husband will tell you, I am also afraid of hurt. Great, I have something in common with a lawn.
Apparently I was wrong about there being many boxes big enough for the Walrus to be tossed into like Scrappy-doo. At least this one is labeled "black" so you should be safe.

More jokes I stole

2005-09-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificiy
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him.. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or sex?" and she said, "Wear sun-block."

WHY DO MEN PEE STANDING UP??
God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over and couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!"
On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."
"What's it called?" asked Eve.
"Brains," said God

why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married!

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh, Shit," cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted

(No fair making me laugh at work Lace!)

Joke 'n stuff

2005-09-07T07:53:00.000-07:00

I'm Sorry, It made ME laugh.

Joke:

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart, made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist.

Stuff:

Tattoo
This site was mentioned on the comic I am currently reading:
http://www.hanzismatter.com/
It just proves what I have always said: Make sure you know what it says! I studied Japanese in High School for four years, which by no means makes me an expert. But I have seen one or two ridiculous things on t-shirts or tattoos that even I know is not right. I mean, I know that everyone has heard the story about the guy who went in to get something stupid (in my opinion) like "Stud" or "Powerful" or "King" tattooed on. And instead the poor doofus has something more like "Dumb Ass" permanently on his bicep. This site is all about that breed of doofus. You can be sure that I would check as many resources as I could find before trusting someone to put something I couldn't understand into my skin.
One day I really will get my little dragon tattooed somewhere on my body! Since I drew it I'm not worried about it being some obscure symbol for "Crack Whore". But until then, it's fun to look.

2 Years!
Rich and I got married two years ago yesterday! I really can't believe it since I never really expected to develop a long term relationship in my life. I thought that I would end up just like my Mother, and while I think that my Father is one of the most admirable men in existence. I didn't want anyone to have to live through what he is currently experiencing for my sake. But heck, ya meet a guy doing Karaoke and all that stuff changes. I don't think that I would even have gone through the genetic testing yet if he hadn't been with me. I love him more now than I did then-I deserve it, and. . .I guess he does too. ;)

Politics/Religion
I'm not one to spout about my beliefs in either area in most cases. If only because I often don't think that it's worth the effort. The majority of my friends don't share my ideas in one or both areas. I'll tell you about my beliefs if you ask, but they are mine, and don't always coincide with what the establishment says. I go to church, yes, but the thing that keeps me coming back is singing in the choir. Not arguing with fat balding men about who is risking hell by doing what. (yes I have done that-a few times-I do not think that religion and logic are mutually exclusive, dang) And when it comes to politics-I really don't care enough to argue. Because anyone who is willing to try to out-argue me (he-he) isn't going to have their mind changed by my opinion-so I don't see the point.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.-Mark Twain

Shit! Did I end on a down-note? eh, go look at the Star Wars/Trek crossover again and try to figure out what William Shatner might be saying, then you'll giggle again.

Cheese!
MDragon

Yes, I can be a ditz

2005-09-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

So between the picture I just posted and a brain fart while posting a comment on Christina's blog I was reminded of a story. (and this does slightly involve my hubby, so I hope he won't mind)

So Rich had just finished a major undertaking. Ya know, one of those things that you really were hoping you could spend your life without. But sometimes life just sucks and you gotta go through it anyway (that reminds me-the registration on the car that isn't working is coming due, ugh.) And anyway, there we were in the van driving away, relieved that everything had gone as planned. On the left side of the road was an open field and to our right was a low grassy ridge separating the road from the parking lots. Rich was driving and I felt the need to tell him how proud I was of what he had just gone through. It went something like:

"Babe, I just need to tell you how proud I am of you right now. I know that it wasn't easy, and that you hated the people you were with but now KITTY! (Look brightly at mystified husband) Pretty Kitty!"

Yup, sitting on the little hill on my side of the car was a young cream colored cat with chocolate points. I still can remember it quite well, wondering where it had come from, since it was too well bred to be feral.

I turned back to my husband with a big smile, and slowly reality dawned. I had been RIGHT in the MIDDLE of telling him something important to both of us, when my mind had suddenly decided to do the equivalent of stripping down and running naked through the sprinklers. Now I'll ask you what you would have done in that situation? When you suddenly realize that the sprinklers you've been running through are situated directly between a television news studio, and a courthouse. . . For me, the only option was, Laugh. Anytime I find myself embarrassed over something stupid I've done or said (as long as it doesn't' Really Hurt) I try to be the first one to laugh.

At first, Rich was not so amused. But I started apologizing my ass off and laughing the whole time about how AMAZINGLY stupid that was. It was like my brain had gone into the back room just in time for the baby to get into the pudding and unroll the toilet paper all at once. The Brain knows that something bad has happened, but has NO IDEA how it came about.

I just feel lucky that his sense of humor won out and I wasn't given the silent treatment for the next few days. Instead it is a perfect example of how my brain is kinda like Velma on Scooby Doo. She was always right there, until you turned around-and then she was gone. Through a trap door, or revolving wall. But just gone until she found her way back into the story again. Yup that's my brain-Velma.

Ph34r teh Cut3 Ones

2005-09-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

What more can I say?

Wooohoo! It only took me about six trys to get it up as my profile pix! I'd do a little dance, but I'm at work and I think that they'd dissaprove.

Cheese!

ZEN SARCASM

2005-09-03T12:16:00.000-07:00

TokayTessie sent me this one.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Stop and Think

2005-09-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

Just stop and think about it for a second, or two.

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.-Buddha

Just think.

Hurricane Help

2005-09-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

So I know that most of us are Super Lazy when it comes to donating. It's not like we don't want to, or are greedy (most of the time) It's more like we just don't want to take the time to do it. But I have found an answer. Your Local Coinstar machine.

Apparently you can donate money to a number of different charities, including the Red Cross, through most of the machines you'll find in your local grocery store. And Coinstar doesn't charge a fee, so 100% of the donation goes to the charity. According to the Red Cross, if just HALF of the people living within 2 miles of a coinstar machine would donate $1 it would raise more than $65 Million dollars, now thats a lot of pennies. Not all of the stores allow donations on their property though so at the bottom of this post is a link to the Coinstar website. It can tell you the location of the Machines, if they accept donations, and to which charities. In Lodi, Raley's, Albertson's, and Save Mart all accept donations at their machines. I mean, if you just took a few seconds to dump your change in as you left the grocery store how much would you have donated by the end of the month?

There are no politics involved in this tragedy, just people. So empty your couch and look under the floormats of the car. Even I can spare a dollar in loose change for someone who has lost everything.

What to do when Chased by a Monster

2005-09-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

I love webcomics. It's great to have something that updates daily (or less often) that actually reflects your tastes. I still read most newspaper comics when I get the chance, but I enjoy being able to read my favorites and skip over the rest. And when it comes to webcomics there are hundreds to choose from. Some are wonderful works of art, some are funny, others have plot lines up the wazoo. Some are shit. There was one that I read, went through the archives, kept up-to-date with it for a few months. I mean after all it was a fairly new comic and the summary the author had written outlining where they planned to take the story got me interested. . .But it sucked in so many ways (art, character development, actually having a point, art) that I stopped reading it. I almost feel bad, leaving it behind like that, but I have so many others that have, I don't know. . . Value.

Speaking of. . .Today's posting of "Commissioned" struck me in a wonderful way. "What to do when chased by a Monster" My Husband and I like watching Thrillers and the occasional Horror movie, but we are always left feeling like there could have been more. They so often suffer from bad acting it's true, and often special effects that look like they were developed on the "Special" Bus (if you get my drift) But it seems to me that the most rediculous thing is when you feel the need to yell at the character-or say to the person sitting next to you, some thing like: "NO!! don't go in there! What are you a f&*#ing MORON! Doesn't the BLOODY HANDPRINT on the door give you a hint???? Why didn't you just leave and not come back after you found the cat nailed to the wall and "GET OUT spelled out in it's entrails??" You might like to think that the character is smart because they figured out the cause and how to stop it. . . but wouldn't a really smart person have said "F*#% this Shit" and left after the first 20 minutes?

That said, We were lucky enough to be invited over to watch Movies with the Oglethorpes last night (did I spell that right?) "Shawn of the Dead" was much more fun for me the second time around-both because I could understand it better, and because these people are not stingy with the laughter. And I think there was only one moment where I really wanted to grab a character by the hair and ask"what is wrong with your brain?" Though I admit the "Zombies" from "28 Days Later" are my favorites. They run after you like starving hyenas that are going to eat the flesh off your arm like corn off a cob.

Anyway Commissioned today is about the stupid behaviors exhibited in horror movies. And if you do go take a look at the rant-after all, it did inspire me to ramble for this long on my own.

And thank you to everyone for inviting us last night, and especially to Christina for giving me that copy of the Avenue Q Soundtrack (and Tony for copying it!)

Cheese!
MDragon

You can dance if you want to

2005-09-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Unless you're a Nun. Here she is, the infamous trollop of a Sister who had the audacity to DANCE onstage at a festival. Now come-on! I know that she is about to straddle this man at the hips-but look at the girl's legs. I bet they haven't see the light of day in years. I mean the entire outfit just screams "Ready For Sin" doesn't it? I know nothing turns my husband on like Army-green hiking boots. Somebody needs to give Mother Superior a copy of "Sister Act".

Stolen!

2005-08-31T08:41:00.000-07:00

Someone has stolen the Ruby Slippers! Really, one of four pairs that Judy Garland wore in "The Wizard of OZ" has been stolen. Not the pair that was in the Smithsonian-I'd like to see somebody break in there. . . I mean in the sense that it would be very difficult, not that I want to see such a valuable resourse plundered. After all, I want to go back someday. Ya know, when there isn't evil chaperones breathing down your neck, and stupid roommates who don't share your intrests and can't be bothered with what you want to see. I'd have a lot more fun now. I guess it's just one more thing to do, someday, when I have money.

And boy is my tounge tired!

2005-08-31T08:15:00.000-07:00

Ya know, most people throw their popsicle sticks away when they're done with them. Who first said "I'm gonna save a whole bunch of these little guys and then glue them together into a boat that I can sail around in"? Better yet, who decided that this was the kind of title you wanted to compete for: "Biggest Boat made out of Popsicle Sticks" 15 MILLION to be exact... Thats a lot of funny colored tounges.

I...am...a penis

2005-08-30T15:17:00.000-07:00

Apparently this nice man. . . is a penis. (I don't know that this outfit is really saying "Penis", but I guess that just my opinion) Being so inspired by a hebrew-language version of "The Vagina Monolouges" that he has written his own version: "The Holy Phallus". Someone thinks an awful lot of himself.

Got Tissue?

2005-08-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

When is it NOT allergy season?

I know that I've had some badddd days. Where it seems like I might as well sit with a bucket under my nose and just give up. But I'm afraid nothing could convince me that this is a good idea. Although it might be fun if you were TPing a house.

MDragon

Because I Love Jokes, But Can't Tell Them Worth Sh*t

2005-08-26T16:19:00.000-07:00

The Nuns Enter Heaven

Three nuns died and visited St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter said he would admit them if they each answer one question.

He turned to the first nun and asked, "Who was the first man?"

"Adam," the nun confidently replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang as the gates swung open and she walked into heaven.

St. Peter turned to the second nun. "Who was the first woman?""Eve," she replied. The trumpets sounded and the angels sang.

Then St. Peter turned to the last nun. "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

The nun paused for a moment. "Gee, that's a hard one!"

The trumpets sounded and the angels sang.

Ya Learn Something New Every Day

2005-08-25T21:54:00.000-07:00

Yup ya do. Like, for instance, at approximately 1 am Wednesday morning I learned that staples and fingers don't mix. My husband seems to think that I don't like pain. I don't know what gave him that idea, maybe it was the shriek that I let out when it happened. Or it could have been the wild dance I was doing to the rythmn of a string of hysterical profanity. Actually I think he said it was the fact that I stayed extremly pissed-off until I fell asleep. I can't figure out how you return to a good mood when it feels like everything from the wrist down is throbbing (which according to the man who injures himself regularly is typical of hitting bone-ugh) Yup, futher confirmation that I never want to break a bone.

It also made me feel really good about Rich going into the nursing program. I took one look at the piece of metal sticking out of my finger-I still can't figure out how it got there- and my mind shut off. I'd like to think that it would have turned back on in time to prevent myself from beating my hand against the counter of the Music Box in a blind panic to get it out, but I'm not so sure-whatever I did it wouldn't have been good. Luckily the master of physical misfortune was there to gently take my hand and pull the staple out. I can't believe that I was sane enough to register that he did an excellent job pulling it out without yanking at an angle, and that it could have hurt a whole lot more. He'll be great at giving shots whith minimum pain.

Just for review: Finger + Staple = Pain. Got that?

MDragon